Folsom Street Fair Party Guide 2025
tl;dr/summary: Folsom is a big gay leather prom. See you there.
Be sure to bookmark this guide; it’ll get long – I have so much to tell you! Plus, I’m constantly updating as new events, venues, and DJs are announced. And sign up for email alerts!
You can always find the latest at andymatic.com/folsom – just tell friends, “It’s at andy matic dot com slash folsom!” Easy to remember!
Party grid for the weekend (tap to open full size) below:
[Brief Commercial Interlude] Buy Us a Gatorade! And for years, everyone has always said I should take donations or accept advertising or find some way to “monetize” my guides. So while getting gay men to read 23k words is its own reward, if you wanted to chip in $5 and buy us a Gatorade as a thank you, that would be amazing:
Folsom is a Rorschach.
It reflects your sexual identity back at you. You learn what turns you on and what doesn’t. What you once thought was kink and what you now think is vanilla. What you might try, what you’re glad you tried, what you’d never do again, and what you’d never even consider (well, maybe next year). Who you’re scared to admit you want to be, what you’re scared to admit you want, and what you’re absolutely sure you don’t.
What is Folsom Street Fair?
Folsom Street Fair (also referred to as just “Folsom”) is the world’s largest outdoor leather/fetish event and usually attracts half a million people every year from all over the world to the fair in San Francisco, California. The fair is produced by the Folsom Street non-profit organization raising money for an annual roster of beneficiaries. If you’re familiar with July’s Up Your Alley/Dore Alley street fair (also produced by the Folsom organization), Folsom is generally a more ‘mainstream’ and straighter affair than Dore Alley weekend. Straight kinksters and fetishists have been important partners in the fight for LGBT equality and visibility and Folsom is for them, too. Everyone realizes that after the far-right gets done outlawing queer sexual thrills, they’ll continue with the rest of the Handmaid’s Tale training manual.
You’ll hear The Gays complain that the fair isn’t what it used to be and the Folsom organization has let the event lose its edge. It’s too tame. Too straight. Too many women. (Which usually means they pine for the days of manly-men-only events and venues.) But bitching that things aren’t the way they used to be is one of San Francisco’s most hallowed pastimes. Along with complaining about rents and being seen standing in line for things.
You might see producers refer to the weekend as “FLSM” or just “Leather Weekend.” It’s all the same. The Folsom organization can be pretty draconian about protecting their trademarks.
And yes “Happy Folsom!” is a tiding people will say as they greet you over the weekend.
Know your history
Photo above from the June 26, 1964 issue of Life magazine profile “Homosexuality in America,” a landmark in LGBT visibility.
I’d be remiss if I didn’t include some history. It’s hard to convey how much leather, kink, and fetish culture are woven into the fabric of San Francisco. It’s a horny city.
That libertine spirit has grown to include all sexualities and genders and all types of people and expanded across the world. Here’s some reading for your flight here:
Recon News: San Francisco, a Gay Kink Destination by the always amazing Race Bannon
SFTravel article Behind the Harness: The Extraordinary History of the The Folsom Street Fair
Found SF article Changes and Continuities in the Leather Community
SFist article Brief History of the Folsom Street Fair and an article specifically about Megahood 1984
Blogger Broke Ass Stuart’s Down and Dirty History of the Folsom Street Fair
This context is also important because many have a knee-jerk reaction to this collection of people and behaviors. It’s hard to express to straight people sometimes. “We do it this way. I can’t entirely explain why we do it this way, but this is how we do it.” Numerous religious right fundamentalist websites use photos from the street fair to depict all queer people. Some would argue that if we just didn’t dress up like that or throw it in everyone’s faces, we’d have more queer acceptance faster, but let’s be honest: They’d murder us for simply holding hands. See also: Respectability politics.
The annual “kink at pride” hand-wringing blows up bigger each year lately (with lots of photos from Folsom used as examples, instead of actual Pride celebrations). Looks like it is driven primarily by Gen Z queer-folk that don’t know their history along with the 4chan trolls’s annual operation Pridefall. You can be prudish with your own tastes, but you'd better respect and recognize. Here’s a good Twitter thread discussing why kink and leather is insperable from Pride. And the call to be “family-friendly” is just coded language for assimilation.
If you don’t like it, then it isn’t for you, and isn’t intended for you and it’s completely fine if you stay away. That’s why the street fair requires admission, and minors aren’t allowed, and all these parties are for patrons over 21.
For some people, leather and fetish is a core part of their identity and peer groups. Many queer people come out of the closet but still don’t quite feel like the mainstream gay community is for them. Often it’s what they see portrayed in media: upper class, assimilated, prudish/vanilla, straight-acting, gay, white, and urban. They then find their leather/fetish/kink group and feel more at home. Folsom weekend celebrates that every year.
Here’s a list of many of the events of Folsom weekend:
When someone asks me to describe Folsom weekend overall, I usually say: It’s like a big gay leather prom.
And just like prom, everyone dresses in their Sunday best, and everyone is ready to dance and have a great time. And everyone has high (and probably unrealistic expectations) about how much they will get laid. Think Molly Ringwald’s 50 Load Weekend.
Also, like prom, you might run into some mean girls or mean bears or mean muscle queens or belligerent twinks that are more interested in throwing attitude than having a good time. You can usually find these assholes standing outside the dance floor not moving at all, just posing. They aren’t sweating from dancing. They look amazing, and they’ve worked hard all year to look this good, and only fuck guys that look just like them (and they are starving). Tell them they look stunning, and then go to the opposite side of the club where people are actually having fun.
Generally, the San Francisco crowd is warm and friendly to a fault. The general etiquette is such that everyone introduces everyone to everyone else. As far as I can tell, this doesn’t happen at other cities (the Atlantis cruises, kinda). Also, that’s how you remember a guy’s name. Introduce him to someone else so they have to say their name again.
It’s like we say back in Indiana, “The way to a man’s hole is through his husband.”
As you read the guide, please keep in mind that:
Taste in music is so individual
I could rage for hours at an after-hours until 8am and then have a friend say, “Yeah, it was too dark, didn’t really do it for me.” Then, we were at another party from one of the city’s top producers and headlining DJs with a more disco-y edge, and everyone’s grooving, but it isn’t moving me at all. And sometimes I just want straight-up dead-eyed muscle-queen basic-bitch four-on-the-floor primetime circuit. Some find it completely monotonous.
My motto is: If you can’t fuck to it, I can’t dance to it.
That’s probably why our favorite getting-ready-to-go-out song is Ivan Gomez’s remix of Danny Tenaglia’s club mix of Wayne G’s “Twisted Excuse Me)” (1 minute in on this J. Warren mix).
And the music, clubs, and dance floors have their own amazing history. “It Takes a Village, People: Preserving San Francisco’s Gay Disco History” (DJ Mag)
San Francisco parties are different
San Francisco parties have a beating heart. San Francisco parties have a soul.
We went to several of We Party’s events at Madrid Pride a few years ago. Stunning evenings with up to 10,000 guys at iconic venues like Fabrik and La Riveria. Production design was absolutely astounding (video on Facebook).
Guys come to San Francisco and enjoy the switch to smaller, more intimate events. Going from 10,000 men and tons of lighting hardware rigged to soaring ceilings, to several hundred guys packed into Club Six with the low basement ceilings sweating from the humidity. It is a huge change in dynamic and tone. In San Francisco, you are more likely to see the same guys several times a night or throughout the weekend. There’s more of a sense of us.
Almost all of the events detailed in this guide are produced by part-time producers and groups of volunteers who have day jobs, partners, families, and lives. They don’t make millions doing these events (and often lose money just trying to make the bar minimum on other weekends).
And sure, they can get competitive. But one year at Dore weekend when two producers for a Saturday night party tested positive for covid. They couldn’t run their own party. The production team that had their party at the same venue the night before said no problem, we got this. They stepped right in to help make sure the party went off without a hitch. That’s not going to happen in most cities.
We know many of these DJs and producers personally, and I can tell you that they ache over every single detail and minute of every party, trying to bring the best possible experience to a legendary weekend. They do it for the sheer love of music, dance, and celebration. You head into the club with the spirit of, “I can’t wait to see what our friends have cooked up for us tonight!”
So at 3:30am when the mix of sweat and leather hangs in the air and Donna Summer croons, “Oooooooo… I feel love, I feel love, I feel love, I feel love…. I fee-eeel love…” and you’ve got one beautiful man in your arms, and another behind you, his beard brushing the back of your neck, and the guy you met at the other party is smiling from across the crowd, and everyone is moving in unison, say to yourself, “This is how they do it in San Francisco.”
I’ve included links to photo galleries for most of the events so you can get a sense for what the mix of the crowd is like and what to wear. I also tried to include profiles for the DJs so you can get a sense of what the music will be like. Several events that have not yet been confirmed but they’ve happened every year so many years surely they’re gonna happen.
Earlier Events
Mid-September: Baloney at Oasis, produced by Rory Davis
San Francisco’s “gay all-male revue that’s not entirely gay and not entirely male” is back with their Folsom edition. We’ve gone to the show several times over the years and it’s always a fun evening with these talented sexy men of all shapes and sizes and ages. Baloney combines theater, dance, striptease, song, comedy, and acrobatics into an entertaining evening unlike anything you’ve seen before. They’ve since produced more events like a game show night and Wieners, “the trashiest underwear party in San Francisco” and the captivating Gotham Pride gala set in the DC Comics universe.
And I fucking lost my shit when we went back in April and Pup Badge did a dramatic reading of Debbie Jellinsky’s final monologue from the funniest movie ever made, Addams Family Values (well, tied with The Birdcage). I was howling laughing and delighted how many other people in the audience could recite the lines.
Trailer for documentary about them that’s been burning up the film festval circuit: Baloney: A Queer Male Burlesque (interview with director Joshua Guerci).
Baloney featured in The Bay Area Reporter: Baloney’s back: saucy male burlesque show returns to Oasis (which is closing soon) and The Advocate
Catch them on Instagram plus founder and creator Rory Davis and tickets and more info on their site.
September 19, 20, 21: Mr. SF Eagle Leather Contest, sponsored by Mr. S Leather and The Exiles
Friday September 19th: Trade at Powerhouse, produced by Mark Weston and Mike Castro, with DJs Brian Urmanita and Will Vitagliano
“Who you with?… TRADE! “ Mark Weston and Mike Castro are back with their every-third-Friday event Trade at Powerhouse. The freshest DJs, sexiest Gogos, and hottest vibes, making Powerhouse your go to spot to find yourself some trade . Headliner is the one and only Brian Urmanita and Will Vitagliano, kicks off the night serving up a driving melodic house/techno set.
Full details on the Facebook page for the event and follow on Instagram.
Saturday September 20th: Lewd at Lone Star Saloon, with DJ Omnibot
Saturday before the chaos, Lone Star has Lewd, a bear-oriented jockstrap party. Jockstraps, short Shorts, onesies, and/or gear encouraged.
Details on the Facebook page for the event.
Sunday September 1st: LeatherWalk 2025 produced by and benefitting the Leather & LGBTQ Cultural District
When I talked about how leather is intertwined with the city of San Francisco, this is what I mean.
LeatherWalk is a cherished annual celebration and fundraiser organized by the LEATHER & LGBTQ Cultural District in San Francisco’s South of Market (SOMA) neighborhood. Established in 1992, LeatherWalk (full history) brings together the leather, kink, and LGBTQ communities to celebrate our vibrant cultural heritage, enhance visibility, and raise essential funds. Proceeds from LeatherWalk directly support the Leather Legacy Landmarks project to install plaques at 77 iconic (and sometimes raucous) SOMA locations, honoring businesses and venues that began serving our community in the 1960s.
LeatherWalk 2025 takes place on Sunday, September 21st. Participants gather at City Hall and walk through South of Market, pausing for entertainment and refreshments at favorite venues. The walk concludes at Eagle Plaza with the raising of the Leather Pride Flag during the SF Eagle Bar’s Leather Pride Fest. The event raises funds, fosters community spirit, encourages self-expression, and plays a crucial role in preserving the historical and cultural identity of our leather & LGBTQ communities.
All Walkers can register for free. Those Walkers who are interested in fundraising can utilize an easy-to-use peer-to-peer fundraising platform. Donations from the community are strongly encouraged.
For more information about creating a Team, signing as a Walker, Volunteering, or making a donation, visit www.leatherwalk.org
LeatherWalk benefits the Leather & LGBTQ Cultural District, a unique San Francisco institution dedicated to keeping our South of Market neighborhood queer and kinky. The money raised supports the Cultural District’s work, including murals, promoting our existing businesses, facilitating new ones, activating art and live events both indoors and out, and sustaining the new Leather Community Center.
Full details and registration here and the Facebook page for the event.
While you’re in town, walk through a history of the city’s leather scene with Leather Memoir, along Ringoldw Alley which before the crisis in the 1980s, “one of the go-to places for gay men to rendezvous after the numerous gay bars along Folsom Street closed for the night.”
The walk includes sidewalk plaques commemorating the many men, women, businesses, and bars that have anchored leather in San Francisco.
Article in The Bay Area Reporter from 2006: LeatherWalk aims to keep SF kinky.
Full details coming so follow the organization’s Facebook page and you can learn all about the Leather & LGBTQ Cultural District on their site.
They also produce the SOMA Second Saturdays mini-street fairs that bring artists and patrons from all over the city to the community.
Tuesday, September 23
Cemented in History Plaque Unveiling at Powerhouse, produced by the Leather & LGBTQ Cultural District
The first five plaques of the long-anticipated sidewalk plaques commemorating historic sites in the Leather District were placed last month as part of the Folsom Streetscape Project.
Community members are invited to celebrate the unveiling at Cemented in History at at Powerhouse (1347 Folsom Street) and Driftwood (1225 Folsom Street). Supervisor Matt Dorsey is scheduled to speak.
Details on the event page on Facebook.
Wednesday, September 24th
Dirty Alley at Powerhouse, produced by Mr. S Leather
Now celebrating over 40 years of leather, kink, and style, Mr. S Leather is a San Francisco mainstay and globally recognized leather retailer and fetish brand. They’ll kick off the week at Powerhouse and with a night of fetish demos, sexy gogos, and [checks notes] “the trashiest bartenders in San Francisco.”
Full details on Mr. S's events page on Fb, in the meantime you can follow Mr. S on their Facebook page or on Instagram for more information.
Truck at The Stud
The men of Truck are back in action. “The original Truck bar opened in 2007, and was off on its own in a different neighborhood, at the edge of the Mission District at Folsom and 15th streets… the place also infamously hosted raunchy underground parties where passwords were required for entry.”
They’ll be at The Stud which closed, opened, closed, and is back better than ever.
Advanced tickets and details at on the Stud site.
Thursday, September 25th
YoungHearts x Provocateur Folsom at Public Works, with Suzie Ijko, Issa, KK, and Sammy Taylor
After a searing masquerade for Dore, the kinksters at Provocateur are back with a Folsom party even hotter. “Expression is Freedom and Freedom is what we want to give you! “ Don’t miss out, Diva!
Follow them on Instagram at provocateur.party.sf and younghearts.party.
Red Hanky Social at Eagle, produced by Red
Red events are produced by “a small group of hosts intended to nurture a diverse and supportive community of like minded handball enthusiasts” in the Bay Area and beyond.
Join their list and get more details on their site.
Dork at The Stud, produced by KNK
Tge KNK Fraternity is bringing you the Folsom edition for their Dork party filled with more frat-boy bullying, more wedgies, and more ways to let out your inner dirtbag. Rush KNK to see who is the biggest nerd of the night.
Full details on EventBrite and follow them on Bluesky.
H0le at Oasis
Come get stripped and slutty at the Folsom edition of "hOle", our Oasis underwear night!
Stallion at QBar, produced by Boss Idea House with DJ Kurrensi, Pup Tazzz, Jessie Pegasis, hosted by Nicki Jizz
This Thursday kickoff party is half color, some color, or the absence of color. STALLION is Full Color Pleasure. From the cast to the music to the accessible cover fee, this is what it means to do things “for us, by us” and to truly understand culture and how we do pleasure. Simply put: there is no other Folsom kickoff party like it.
Full details on this event on Instagram.
Bear Happy Hour at Teeth
San Francisco’s weekly, floating happy hour for the Bear Community has their Folsom edition on Folsom Thursdays.
Details on Instagram (links to all their events).
Slurrp at DNA Lounge with DJs Sequoia, Galavanize, Luv-le, and Ralph Scot
After a packed debut at SF pride, Slurrp is leveling up and taking over DNA Lounge. Double the DJs, double the dancefloors. Twice the sound, sweat, and energy!
Slurrp headliners Sequoixa and Galvanize take over Above DNA with their signature mix of high-energy house, driving tech-house, and pulsing techno to keep your body moving all night. In the Dazzle Room, underground vibes flourish with DJ Luv-Le on breaks and Ralph Scott on moody, melodic techno.
Full details on the DNA Lounge site.
Grown N’ Thirsty at Temescal Brewing with DJs Dopaminna and CLR Jamz, benefiting Stop Gaza Starvation and MECA
I love this mission statement: “It’s an excuse for any queer over 30 to feel cute and party before the sun goes down.”
Grown N’ Thirsty is a sexy, sweaty dance party for the 30+ queers, trans bbs, NBs, dykes, dolls, femmes, bi, pan, lesbians, WLWs, genderqueers, and our community.
Some ground rules:
“The first rule of Grown N’ Thirsty: The only music we play is the shit that makes you shake your ass. 2000s Hip Hop, Reggaeton, Afrobeats, etc.
‘The second rule of Grown N’ Thirsty: We act as grown as we are! On the dance floor, in the bathroom, at the bar. We celebrate, make friends, cruise, rest, and have grace with each other because we need each other to get free.”
And if you look at their HTML code, voila!
Friday, September 26th
Geared Up Block Party at Mr. S Leather
The block party is back! They had one for Dore and it was well attended and looked like a great time in the sun (video on Instagram). Come find the gear that’s going to get you laid. And who knows, you might just meet the guy you’ll be spending the rest of the weekend with!
Mr. S’s infamous two-day block party in and around their store which usually includes DJs, gogos, bartenders pouring drinks, bootblacks shining, cigar enthusiasts out on the sidewalk, and guys cruising from every corner – while hundreds of hot guys are shopping and trying on their full range of harnesses, clothing, gear, and toys.
If you are going to buy some new leather finery during your trip, get over there when you first get to San Francisco. They can do alterations onsite to ensure a perfect fit and often while you wait. Their leatherworkers will be going overtime so that might be more difficult as the weekend kicks in. Harnesses, hats, ballcaps, boots, uniforms, vests, blindfolds, ropes, lubes, jockstraps, singlets, socks, toys… they’ve got it all. And slings for rent.
Mr. S staff are helpful and friendly and want to make sure you look your best – even if you’re new to the whole leather thing.
I remember finding the place super intimidating when we first went since we didn’t know much about leather culture. You want to wear the right thing right, right? In San Francisco we were just a 10 minute walk away and go at least once a month. I went from having panic attacks when I first walked in to being a model for the new harness they debuted a couple years ago (right).
If you’re worried about wearing your harness wrong: Just check how they are styled on Mr. S Leather’s site or whatever vendor you got it from.
A lot of guys wear their harnesses way too low and too loose. You should feel the tightness, the restraint. It’s basically a corset for your shoulders. Shoulders back, pecs out!
If you have a narrow build, look at the harnesses with thinner strips of leather. Some guys can’t pull of harnesses with a lot of leather pieces, coverage, and hardware – and honestly if you’re going to be dancing for hours and hours, you don’t want all that stuff hanging off your body.
Mr. S also has their famed brown bottle “cleaning solution.”
Full details on the Facebook page for the event, their Instagram, or their events page.
Screening of Encuerados at Powerhouse, presented by Cine+Mas SF
Start your Folsom weekend en familia with a special screening of Orlando Bedolla’s documentary Encuerados, at Powerhouse.
Encuerados chronicles the year-long involvement of nine Latino men in the leather scene, primarily focusing on the historical attainment of the first Latino man winning the title of Mr. Los Angeles Leather, Leo Iriarte. By showcasing the legacy of Leo, the film takes a deep dive into the leadership of nine trailblazers, empowered to create representation in leather competitions such as MLAL, IML, and events, such as Up Your Alley, Folsom, CLAW LA, and Pride. Through this documentary, a call to action is made to destigmatize preconceived notions of Latino machismo, kink & fetishes, all while building community and representation for the leather Latino community to thrive. Full details on the film.
Queer Latine Leather Happy Hour at Powerhouse, produced by Queer Latinx Social Club
And right after the screening of Encuerados, stay for the Queer Latine Leather Happy Hour with happy hour vibes, sweaty gogos, Latin beats, and no cover.
Prime at Club 6, produced by TrophyDad with DJs Neon and Serge
Friday also marks the return of TrophyDad’s Prime party dedicated to “men in their prime and their admirers.” Hot gogo daddies (all over 50) tower atop the boxes and keep you entertained while a broad group of dads, boys, otters, wolves, bears, and the rest of the zoo come together to celebrate and dance and enjoy.
They’ll be at Club 6. On the ground floor, Prime’s resident DJ Neon the Glowgobear spins his trademark blend of celebratory vocals and lots of classics – all with a bit more bawlz behind it.
Meanwhile downstairs is the Daddy Pit, you’ll enjoy the aggressive overt vibe of the leather bars of days gone by with low ceilings, lower inhibitions, and a play space – with mixmaster Serge that dark, sexy sound he’s pioneered for years in the dark rooms of Berlin.
Prime party started a few years ago with our friend Ed throwing himself a big 50th birthday party and then it kinda became a thing. I think as the generation of men that survived the 80s and 90s is hitting their 50s and 60s their redefining what it is to be a gay man after 50: active, vital, confident, horny, and fun.
And yes the tattooed pierced pinoy muscle dad with the radiant smile in the photos is my adoring husband.
Club Six is on this strange hellhole block of 6th Street between Market and Mission. You should be fine walking in a group but if you’re solo, I’d grab a car or find some other guys in leather and chat them up and walk with them. There’s a reason the convenience store cashiers are behind plexiglass. Keep your phone in your pocket, headphones off, and your wits about you – that goes for the whole weekend.
But their security is the friendliest in town, led my Mama Chris making sure everyone’s having a good time and staying safe – she’s like Ron’s long-lost tita.
Get there early, a few years ago the line for this event went all way down a block and half down the alley and the line inside for clothes check was all way from the basement up the stairs and into the bar.
Read more about the genesis of the Prime party in Race Bannon’s article in The Bay Area Reporter: “Celebrating Grey — the Older Kinkster”
DJ Neon on Mixcloud, SoundCloud, and Facebook.
DJ Serge on SoundCloud and Facebook.
Lots of photos to show you what to expect and what to wear. Or not wear. Visuals, lasers, and videos from the always dazzling William Brown. Coat check benefits AIDS/LlfeCyle.
Tickets on EventBrite and details on the Facebook page for the event and follow TrophyDad’s Facebook page and see lots of photo galleries on the TrophyDad’s Facebook page including photos of 2019’s Dore edition.
Brüt at Great Northern, produced by Hedonic Productions and Brian Kent Productions and Hedonic Productions, with DJs Ralphi Rosario, Dan Darlington, and Brian Urmanita
Brüt started as an NYC party but its special mix of leather, music, and muscle has reached across the globe with events in other major cities. We’ve been attending Brüt parties for many years in San Francisco (and now in Chicago), and it’s an incredible evening of dancing with primal music pumping and guys ready to have a good time.
The Great Northern (previously Mighty) is a big 7k sq ft warehouse dance space with 30′ ceilings and a “Future Deco” design with exposed brick wall and art deco accents (love the stained glass motif above the bar). The club has that step down from the bar into the dancefloor. You can watch queens trip over it all night if you need entertainment. The crystal clear 80k watt Void sound system keeps the music from being over-loud and you don’t have to yell at the guy next to you to have a conversation. That dark back lounge behind the DJ, part the couches, far corner, can be fun.
Ralphi Rosario is a Grammy-nominated DJ, producer, and remixer who helped lay the foundation for house music as we know it today. A founding member of Chicago’s legendary Hot Mix 5 radio team on WBMX in the early 1980s, Ralphi was instrumental in spreading the sound of underground dance music across the airwaves — shaping the birth of house music alongside pioneers like Frankie Knuckles and Farley Jackmaster Funk.
With a career spanning four decades, Ralphi has remained a dominant force in both club and remix culture. His 1987 classic “You Used to Hold Me” featuring Xaviera Gold is considered a cornerstone of early house music, still celebrated for its raw vocal power and dancefloor energy.
Ralphi’s sound blends classic house, tribal rhythms, deep grooves, and high-energy anthems, often infused with Latin and soulful influences. He’s known for his driving drumlines, powerful vocals, and masterful builds — always keeping the dancefloor in motion.
As one half of the remix duo Rosabel (with Abel Aguilera), he’s produced remixes for pop icons like Beyoncé, Madonna, Rihanna, Katy Perry, and Janet Jackson. Rosabel’s remix of “Only Girl (In the World)” won a Grammy nomination and dominated club charts.
I’ve always described Brian Urmanita and his husband as two Disney princes that got married and lived happily ever after. Firmly ensconced in his daddy phase, Brian is a local SF house music DJ that’s been riding the turntables for over 20 years. Fueled by a passion for dance music, he loves weaving a spell on the dance floor, taking you on a journey through bumping basslines, soulful vocals, and infectious rhythms. You can find him djing most often for Mystopia parties, at the Powerhouse for Flex and the Lookout.
Brut co-founder/producer Dan Darlington is always a joy to watch as he spins because he always has a huge grin on his face. He’ll sneak in a vocal after a nasty beat that can be just divine.
Top three Brut moments from past parties:
A couple years ago at Folsom Brüt, Dan slowed down the beat and mixed in Nine Inch Nails’s “Closer” and you had hundreds of rutting leather-clad men chanting “I want to fuck you like an animal!” and then as the song ended, Dan kept repeating that Downward Spiral descending motif from the classic album as he brought the beat back up.
Hearing them drop in the remix of DMX’s “It’s All Right” featuring the elegant subtle couplet, “It’s all good! It’s alright! Fuck all day! Fuck all night!”
A St. Patrick’s party It was later into the night when things start to feel a little otherworldly, and Dan was on the decks (with his usual devilish grin), and he’d just suspended a really hard bass line, and as you caught your breath from dancing so hard, he faded in an isolated vocal of Debbie Gibson cooing, “No… only in my dreams… as real as it may seem… you are only in my dreams…” Transcendent.
Brüt featured in:
The New York Times: Gay Leather Scene Tones Down From Hard-Core to Dress-Up
Daily Xtra: How one leather party is taking back New York City
Project Q: Brut muscles it’s way into Atlanta
Photo galleries from past Brüt events.
Ralphi Rosario on Instagram, Facebook, SoundCloud, and Mixcloud.
Brian Urmanita on Instagram. Facebook, and SoundCloud.
Brüt producer and resident DJ Dan Darlington on Mixcloud, SoundCloud, Facebook, and the Brüt site and Brüt’s own SoundCloud. My favorite Brüt mix of all time is this Folsom mix from a couple years ago. It absolutely purrs.
Full details on the EventBrite page for the event and you can follow Brut’s Facebook page and learn more on the Brüt party website.
Horse Meat Disco at Public Works, presented by Bearracuda with DJs Horse Meat Disco and Mateo Segade
If Friday night you’re feeling into the thick hairy boys and/or a big hairy boy yourself, the Bearracuda crew is back with their trademark winning formula of big boys and fat beats. These aren’t those Insta-twink fiber pill influencers that are all omg sis, I’m so thicc or the muscle queens that are all Folsom is gonna get whatever body I give it! while being coy about their cum gutters (have you ever tried to explain cum gutters to straight people?). No bitch, these are the original thick boys. Thick with a capital K. Booty with a capital T. The kinda heft you want to feel on top of you (or underneath).
Producer Matt Bearracuda and the boys are pleased as punch to bring London’s notorious Horse Meat Disco back to the main floor of Public Works for the entire six-hour evening. HMD is billed as “a disco behemoth of classics, italo disco, oddities, [and] punk funk.” In the upstairs lounge is local mixmeister DJ Mateo Segade.
We’ve gone to many Bearracuda events over the years and it’s always a friendly mix of guys and a great vibe. And I’ve heard positive reviews from friends that have gone to Horse Meat Disco parties all over the world. Overwhelmingly they say if disco is your thing, then this is your party.
Public Works features a dense main floor with two story ceilings and a wrap around balcony above with a side lounge loft tucked in to the side. Lots of places to watch and be watched. It’s got odd traffic patterns, it’s not just you.
Background on the Bearracuda parties – produced in over 60 cities all over the world – and their creator Matt in this profile in Homoculture.
Profile and interviews with the four DJs that make up London’s Horse Meat Disco and their first album in The Guardian.
Horse Meat Disco on Mixcloud, SoundCloud, Instagram, and Facebook.
DJ Mateo Segade on Mixcloud, SoundCloud, Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook.
Details on the Bearracuda website, their Facebook Page, their Instagram, and here’s a photo gallery from a couple years ago.
Trans Dudes of the Bay Folsom Happy Hour, at The Stud
What it says on the tin: T4T Folsom Happy Hour
Full details on the Stud site.
HorseMarket Produced by the Stable Wrangler
There are HorseMarket events Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.
HorseMarket is a truly degenerate evening for all, inspired by Europe’s infamous Fickstutenmarkt parties (Vice article). From the site:
“The mares [bottoms] arrive before the stallions [tops] and get prepared for the event. They are to strip naked, have their hands bound (lightly) and are then blindfolded. Then the stallions appear and can fully inspect the bound mares at their leisure. When a stallion has decided on a mare, he then leads the chosen mare to a place of his choice to mount. When the stallion has finished covering the mare, this mare is then available for covering by other stallions.”
[scratches record, clutches pearls, drops monocle] There’s even a Best In Show designation at the end of the event because gay men have to turn everything into a beauty pageant scholarship program. I think we know at least 4 of the Best In Show Mares.
The Friday party is “fresh meat” edition which I think prioritizes first timers.
Saturday is the usual setup described above. Then there was a Sunday night event called “Unbridled” and will be more of a traditional fuck party with a smaller area for Horse Market setup, (no WS or FF pls):
“There’s no choosing top or bottom beforehand and there’s no lottery. They can get that Horse Market experience if they like or they can just meet people like normal and have sex on all the different furniture we have. It’s a pretty big space and we have a lot of furniture. We will have non-alcoholic drinks for people to purchase and some free snacks.”
I’ll add more details as they become available.
Horse Market has also been featured in The Journal of Sex Research in a paper by researchers Lindsey Gaston and Laura Dixon: “Calling All Mares: Community, Identity, and Group Sex at the San Francisco Horse Market
Get updates from Twitter, or their mailing list and learn more on the site for the event.
Stank at Powerhouse, produced by Spencer Adam and Fawk Gilić
The skanks of Stank want you to get a whiff. A waft, if you will. Everybody’s favorite gay dive bar kicks off the weekend with an evening devoted to the natural smell of men as God made ’em and as God intended.
Stop showering a couple of days beforehand and hit the gym hard so you can go in perfectly fragrant (we have a couple of friends who declare it “natural poppers”). Be ready to bury your face in a man’s ripe pits and enjoy the aroma and taste of the gogos as they ply their trade.
But get there before midnight so you can participate in (or just appreciate) the Ripe Pits Contest.
Resident DJ/pup Jumpr on Instagram and SoundCloud. Here’s his set from the pups’ virtual Beta party last year, Omega party 2019, Omega 2018, and their 2018 Packed party.
Resident DJ/pup Fawks on Instagram, SoundCloud, and his website fawkstales.com. Here’s his mix from Beta party 2017.
More details be on Stank’s Instagram.
Grunt at The Stud, with DJs E. Feld and Club Chow
Grunt likes em BIG. BIG Beats. BIG GUYS. BIG Sleaze. BIG Vibes. Your fave cruising party with dark room and dance floor. Suggested Dress: Classic Leather, Rubber, Boots, Punk, Biker Sleaze Sportswear, Heavy Fetish (wrist restraints, gimp mask, gas mask, etc), Tighty-Whities, Jockstrap, Chains, Trade, Bruno B, Slut, Himbo, Trackies, Sneakers.
Pile of rocks.
Free clothing/Coat Check: Less Clothes more body.
Full details on the Stud site.
Folsom Foreplay at Kinkstore, produced by Twisted Windows and Dual Demons
Dual Demons & Twisted Windows present a two night phantasmal, enchanting Folsom Gala! Enter an interactive haven, where patrons immerse themselves in daring games and activities within a whimsical atmosphere. Expect surprises and excitement around every corner as you navigate this subversive space, all while vying for enticing prizes. Bring your toy bag – for Friday’s event only, this foreplay night includes a well-appointed playspace hosted by Dual Demons!
Full details on the event on their site.
Boof at the San Francisco Mint
The inaugural BOOF Folsom party will feature two stages, dark rooms, and more at the historic San Francisco Mint. If you’re looking for slutty techno and even sluttier queers, you’ve found the right event.
Details on their Instagram and tickets for the event.
Cumunion at Transform1060
If your personality type BBCP?
Legit for-real no DJs, no fans, no divas, all-dick play-party Cumunion is back for their Folsom edition at the Transfrom1060 dungeon space.
Cumunion started as a small sex party after Up Your Alley, 14 years ago in 2010. The success of the first party quickly led to a Folsom outing and there are now close to 50 monthly parties held in dozens of cities around the world.
Happy anniversary, Cumunion! Mazel tov!
Boot Camp at Eagle with DJ Barker
Got a thing for boots? Strap 'em on and march down to the Eagle and Kick off Folsom St Fair Weekend with us on the Stomping ground of boot lovers and lickers alike. DJ Barker from Chicago is making his SF Debut bringing you to your feet with his throbbing beats! Dress code highly encouraged!
Full details on the Facebook page for the event.
Freak Curious at 888 Garage, produced by Cain Culto with LBXX, Subeaux, and Del
Get ready for an intimate and immersive musical experience that only Folsom Street could bring you. Cain Culto's music "takes cues from the folk music of Appalachia and Colombia, specifically vallenato and bullerengue, mixing political lyrics with drums and violin creating a sound that only he could produce. As a visual artist, he blends queerness, witchcraft, and myth, taking listeners on a journey that is just as imminently iconographic as it is auditory." (Richie Goff, QueerKentucky.com)
The bass will be filthy, the vibes will be immaculate, and you will be filled...with queer joy.
Supporting artists include:
LBXX (pronounced Lunch Box), local pop-hop performer, turntablist, and Makeroom Collective cofounder, can’t be contained. Combining East Coast energy with West Coast calm; hip-hop beats with pop hooks; and conventional rap rhymes about manifesting money, cars, and fame with soulful stories of boys and heartbreak, the up-and-coming San Francisco artist defies traditional music boundaries.
Subeaux (aka Zaheer Suboh), is a queer Palestinian DJ, producer, and community organizer, whose mixes fuse Arabic percussion and strings into disco, house, and techno DJ sets. Drawing from their roots in Palestine and their presence in San Francisco's underground scene, Subeaux has become a staple performer during SF's queer High Holidays, soundtracking events that are emblematic of the city’s nightlife and community celebrations, and most recently performed at Outside Lands 2025 on the Dolores Stage.
Del is originally from NYC, and now an Oakland based DJ legend. Her original interest in music was sparked by an older brother’s obsession with vinyl and a mother that forced her into playing instruments at a young age. Her DJ sets are heavy with hip hop, club music, baile funk, tech house, garage, hard techno, and dubstep but are mainly influenced by whatever she got off soundcloud that week.
SXTPS at DNA Lounge, produced by DJ Kidd, with DJs Kidd, Charles Hawthorne, and Felipe D
DJ Kidd and the gang are back bringing their Los Angeles party SXTPS to Folsom Friday night. “A Kinky Dance Party for Black + Brown/Queer + Trans People, ” SXTPS is a place to be truly free from the shackles of reality. you can always immerse yourself in the rhythms, the beats, the sex, and the grind.
Felipe D on Instagram, Facebook, and SoundCloud.
Charles Hawthorne on Instagram, Facebook, and SoundCloud.
DJ Kidd on Instagram and SoundCloud.
Full details on their Instagram profile and their site.
Müll at TBA with DJs Quelza, Fawks, and Kudeki
I love an event declaring, “All trash, no class.”
Joining MÜLL residents, Fawks and Kudeki, is the one and only Quelza.
As a native of the Parisian suburbs, Quelza’s connection with art and music was made at an early age, but it was his first encounter with the Parisian electronic music scene in 2013 that inspired him to start producing his own tracks. As one of the most satisfyingly mature young DJs/Producers to emerge out of a new wave of techno artists, he champions layered techno wares laced with a breaksy, IDM-informed touch that packs a punch. The Frenchman keeps on carving out a truly distinctive, shape-shifting signature, switching scopes and angles as he ups the rhythmic pressure with every next sequence.
Saturday, September 27th
Big Muscle at DNA Lounge, produced by BigMuscle and BigMuscleBears.com with DJ Eur-O-Steve, benefitting Bare Chest Calendar
I always like taking friends to this event because if you don’t know it’s happening on a Saturday afternoon, you don’t know what you’ve been missing. Several hundred muscle guys of all sizes and stripes, and their admirers pack into DNA Lounge (founded with Netscape money and like every other big venue always at risk of closing) to have cocktails and dance and make Mary. It’s got a fantastic vibe whether you’re in the mood to dance on the main floor, chill in the back lounges, hang out and chit-chat in the side bars, or people-watch from the wrap-around balcony. DNA Lounge has been voted the best nightclub in San Francisco by The Guardian since 2008.
Ron and I contend that this party usually has the hottest crowd of Folsom weekend. And some of the guys are yooooge! Like water buffalo galloping through amber waves of grain on the dance floor. It always makes me want to start a Tumblr called Big Guys, Tiny Fans.
It’ll be bright outside and dark as night indoors so it’ll take you a bit to see once you’re in the club. Reminder: DNA Lounge is a huge venue! It took me a couple years to realize, “Ohhh shit there’s that back bar there… and oh damn is that another bar further on back…” So after you’ve enjoyed the main floor, go upstairs to the balcony, the side bar on the left with the windows to the street (and another DJ lineup), the bar behind that, the bar behind that (and another DJ lineup), the bar that swings around behind back into the balcony to the lounge with seating and back around to the other side of the club.
There’s also the photo booth in the balcony (house-left) where you can get photos of your hot ass and hot-ass friends for posterity. It closes earlier than the event ends, so be sure to get up there sooner than later.
If you get overheated, there are A/C vents to chill you right in front of the street-side balcony bar.
Halfway through the party you’ll meet the men of this year’s Bare Chest Calendar. For over 35 years the annual calendar has been a huge part of the San Francisco community, raising over $3 million for PRC and its program AIDS Emergency Fund. PRC (Positive Resorce Center) is devoted to providing residential treatment and supportive housing for people with mental health, substance use, and HIV/AIDS-related issues.
And yes you’re smelling pizza from the dance floor. DNA Pizza (menu) is next door through the doors on the left. Cuz, you know these gals like to eat. The veggie slice is called Artichoke-Me-Daddy. You can go between the pizzeria and the club and even go outside for a smoke or a vape during the event – just be sure you don’t sweat off your wrist stamp.
Aside from the pizza the area between Audio, DNA Lounge, Halcyon, and Oasis often has street vendors serving bacon wrapped hotdogs and holy fuuuuuuck are they good. If you smell sizzling meat, be on the lookout.
This event will sell out. Get tickets now.
If the “buy a ticket” line outside is too long. You can probably buy tickets on your phone on the DNA Lounge site and then jump over to the ticketholder line which moves faster. Or just buy your ticket now and save a few dollars. Usually $15-$20 at the door but advance tickets available on the DNA Lounge site. Service fees are kinda bullshit but know that none of that goes to the producers.
Photo gallery to show you who-all’s there and what to wear in Out magazine: “109 Photos From BigMuscle Party at Folsom Street Fair”
Full details coming and you can follow the BigMuscleBears Facebook page and tickets will be on the DNA Lounge website.
LateXXX at The Stud, produced by SF Rubber, with DJ Tygür
⚠️ Initiating Drone Protocol: LateXXX Obedience required. Resistance deleted. This Folsom, San Francisco Rubber returns with more lube, more shine, and more drones. Give in to temptation—join the rubber cult.
Clothes check available 🧩 Rubber. Leather. Gear. Flesh.
All absorbed into the swarm. Details at sfrubber.org
Dirty Boots at The Stud, with DJs John Fucking Cartwright and Odd Oswald
It’s Folsom bro — and there’s nothing kinkier than fucking around with men dressed like your bullies from Highschool. 😈
When the Stud opened in 1964 the Leather District was full of menswear themed kink bars, where horny men dressed in workwear, western wear and uniforms danced to disco and hooked up in dark rooms.
Dirty Boots brings back the heydays of the Leather District with our popular menswear cruising night.
Leave your dirty pig hat and Amazon harness at home for this one. Instead throw on that old jock strap, a pair of dickies or vintage Levi’s, a wife pleaser and your camo hat.
If you put on your sexiest menswear fit and we’ll help you take it off.
Magnitude at SVN, produced by Brian Kent Productions, with DJs Pagano, GSP, and Russ Rich
The legendary Folsom Saturday night party has returned the last few years better than ever! Magnitude us the notorious Saturday night Folsom party where all sorts of crazy shit happened on stage and on the dance floor.
SVN was the famed concert hall Carousel Ballroom, hosting big bands in the 1960s later becoming Fillmore West concert hall hosting musical legends like B.B. King, Miles Davis, Aretha Franklin, and the Grateful Dead, then closing in 1971, after staging a five-night concert series with local artists like Creedence Clearwater Revival and Carlos Santana. Then it became a Honda dealership for a long time.
They left and it has now become an event space. This is where we saw the immersive Van Gogh exhibit. The entire time we were in there, Ron and I we were texting our producer friends that someone has to do a party here.
And Brian Kent is the man to do it. That’s for goddamn sure. He was co-producer of Romp party at Dore with the Alice in Wonderland theme featuring Alice’s legs grown too big for the club (video) and the Cheshire Cat (video). Last year the Romp theme for Dore was James Bond/spy movie and then most recently Animal Farm. He also gave us the legendary Jungle party at The Armory where you walked through an indoor jungle to get to the dance floor, stopping at a real wildlife petting zoo along the way. No matter the venue, Brian always pushes our local scene to be more startling, more innovative, expanding the local palette of party and music.
They’re transforming this former auto dealership into a deviant playground filled with epic sound, amorous lighting, incredible production, and mesmerizing laser shows. The party features a spectacular visuals as well as live performances by the most perverse adult entertainers in the business. 100,000 square foot, dark room, roof top patio, complimentary clothes check.
Global tech house producer Pagano is always fantastic. He was one of the DJs on the January whore-boat Atlantis Cruise a couple years ago and showed his breadth with tea dance, prime time, and afterhours sets. And we’ve heard him on land several times and always enjoyed it. DJ MAG UK descrribed him, “Pagano has emerged as one of Italy’s finest DJs. An accomplished hand in the studio and behind the decks… Pagano is no overnight DJ sensation. A keen studier of sound, the man is obsessed with finding obscure gems and unique cuts and layering them together in his own inimitable manner”
GSP on SoundCloud, Instagram, and Facebook.
Russ Rich on Instagram, Facebook, SoundCloud, Mixcloud, and his amazing mix from REAL BAD 32 (that explosive opener in part one and then carrying us until the night with part two).
Full details and tickets on EventBrite.
Pervert at Midway, produced by Matinee, XOXO Productions, Cecil Russel with DJs Tom Stephan, Nina Flowers, and Rashad Miraz, Andres More, and Dominik
Producers Cecil Russell, and Mansingh Chouhan and the team at XOXO have joined forces with European production group Matinee to bring the Pervert party to San Francisco. Direct from Circuit Festival in Barcelona, Pervert features 10 hours of music with international master DJ Tom Stephan and luminaries Nina Flowers, Rashad Miraz, Andres More, and Dominik.
Pervert is at Midway, one of the city’s largest performance venues and they’ll be taking over the second “Gods and Monsters” space as well. If you want something in the Euro high-gloss high-production style of circuit, this is probably your best bet. This event usually goes well into the morning, so if you want an event that goes all-in and includes an after-hours time slot, this might be it.
Tom Stephan we’ve heard several times at IML and other events and he’s always good. With 17 Billboard Number One hits, he’s spun Black Party, White Party, Algeria, etc. pretty much every big party everywhere. A darker circuit sound with a horny edge born from the NYC afterhours scene and mixed with an East London sound. He also mixes under the psuedonym Superchumbo.
If you don’t know her music, you might know Nina Flowers from her stints on Ru Paul’s Drag Race, Drag U, and Drag Race: All Stars. Nina Flowers descends upon a party like a vengeful alien queen ready to tear the fucking walls down with the dirtiest hardest beats you’ve ever heard. You won’t be able to sit still.
DJ Rashad Miraz has built a strong international following through performances at major LGBTQ+ festivals and events including Circuit Festival, Xlsior Mykonos, and Winter Party Miami. His signature style blends pounding drums, dramatic builds, euphoric drops, and vocal anthems, creating emotionally charged dancefloor moments designed for peak-hour sets.
Tom Stephan on Mixcloud, SoundCloud, Facebook, and Instagram.
Nina Flowers on Mixcloud, SoundCloud, Facebook, and Instgram.
DJ Rashad MirAz on Instagram, and SoundCloud.
DJ Dominik on SoundCloud.
Full details on the Facebook page for the event and on the XOXO site.
Black, Brown, & Kinky at Powerhouse, produced by Onyx Northwest
Onyx Northwest kicks off the weekend at our favorite dive-bar Powerhouse featuring sexy kinksters, jello shots, QT BIPOC leather folk with geared up gogos, fetish demos and more. $5 suggested donation at door and proof of vax + booster required. Kinky dress encourage and there’s always room for JELL-O… shots.
One of the most rewarding moments a couple years ago was one of the Onyx organizers coming up to us and saying how many guys found their event through this guide. That alone is reason enough to do it.
Full details coming soon but you can stay up to date with Onyx events with their Facebook page and on Instagram. Lots of photos on Facebook.
Cell Blok at Eagle with DJ Roland Belmares
A night of lockup, rough trade, and rougher beats with beautiful beast Roland Belmares making his San Francisco debut. If you aren’t crushing on him already, you should be.
Full details on the Facebook page for the event.
Code at Edge, with DJ Sean McMahon
Code is The Edge’s monthly event bringing leather back to the Castro with geared-up gogos and a no-frills bar packed with congenial leather-clad gents and resident DJ Sean McMahon, spinning Code’s signature dark and cruisy beats. Don’t know the theme yet.
DJ Sean McMahon on Mixcloud or Facebook.
Full details will be on page Edge’s events listings on Facebook, the Code page on their site, or their Instagram.
Folsom Saturday at KinkStore, produced by Twisted Windows and Dual Demons
Dual Demons & Twisted Windows present a phantasmal, enchanting Folsom Gala featuring exquisitely erotic, sensually subversive, and particularly perilous Queer performance art – including aerial acrobatics, suspension bondage, pole dance, and fetish acts, as well as interactive and display art & other participatory marvels.
From their site: “Twisted Windows is an event for consenting adults in which activities involving rope, sensuality, sadomasochism, and other erotic interests and practices take place. We invite you to curate your experience by moving throughout the venue.”
Wear what makes you feel amazing and seize this opportunity for your finery to be fully appreciated! Fetish or formal attire, leather/lace/latex, and lingerie are all appreciated. Bits must be covered, except in the playspace. No effort = no entry.
Stimulate your senses, participate and play with your favorite kinky crew and characters, and enjoy a dazzling show from some of the most renowned fetish performers in the community.
And Where is New Breed?
The fine folks at Polyglamorous will not be producing the New Breed event this year, instead they are doing a Folsom edition of their notorious Sneaks party:
Sneaks at The San Francisco Mint, produced by Polyglamorous, with DJs Shyboi, Femanyst, Club Chow, Infinite Jess, Fawks, Ben Fonik, Brian Urmanita, Zaym, Mark O’Brien, and Beya
This event will sell out in hours.
Yes. The original goddamn San Francisco Mint.
Polyglamorous’ naughty sneaker fetish party for Dore, is being hosed down for a Folsom edition, reminding us that leather culture’s Venn diagram is broad and deep
You can tell how much kink is respected in this town that there’s a goddamn sex party at the historic San Francisco Mint. “Opened in 1854 to serve the gold mines of the California Gold Rush, in twenty years its operations exceeded the capacity of the first building and into a new one in 1874, now known as the Old San Francisco Mint. (Wikip)
Dress code is enforced:
MUST WEAR – sneakers
DO WEAR – sports gear, singlets, mesh, underwear, knee socks, gym shorts, sweats, track suits… things that are sports-related or you might wear to the gym.
DON’T WEAR – jeans or slacks
The late amazing Baby Bear – and of the other Short Circuit Andys once told me what he loves about Sneaks:
“I always describe Sneaks as the queerer, more-techno/house sound of Dore weekend. It’s the ‘locals’ choice on Saturday night as far as I’m concerned. Sneaks feels home grown. It’s black-lit which has become commonplace at Polyglamorous parties. It’s a mix of leather, drag, burner [Burning Man] and queer. The biggest thing I’d stress to readers is that [lower priced] pre-sales [tickets] always go fast but there are always tickets at the door as well.”
Goddammit we miss him so much. I swear every time I am about to cross the street I hear St. Andy in my head saying, “Hold up, girl. Did you look both ways? Twice? Look again. Okay.”
Another friend described it as a “dark, sexy, disco rave for athletic fetishists.” Take note.
Clothes check provided, venue is cash only. No cameras allowed.
Several tracks on the Polyglamorous profile on SoundCloud.
Tickets are usually available at the door.
SHYBOI: https://soundcloud.com/djshyboi
Club Chow: https://soundcloud.com/clubchow
Infinite Jess: https://soundcloud.com/infinitejess
Ben Fonik: https://soundcloud.com/benfonik
Brian Urmanita: https://soundcloud.com/djbrianbeats
Mark O'Brien: https://soundcloud.com/djmarkobrien
Learn more about the collective on the Polyglamorous Facebook page and Polyglamorous.club.
Full details and tickets on EventBrite.
Electroluxx at Public Works, produced by Electroluxx
San Francisco’s art-filled queer dance party is back with their annual Folsom party at Public Works on Folsom Saturday. Expect a packed set with DJs on the main stage, loft stage, and outdoor silent disco stage and an outdoor cuddle puddle. Producers entreat you to “jump into our cuddle puddle, get your face and body painted, get a selfie in our photo booth and check out all of the cool art installations all around the venue.” Mainstage performances at midnight. Photos and vidoes make it look whimsical and colorful and a mix gay/straight crowd. You can get a flavor for their events from their Instagram account and videos on their site and photos from last year’s party.
Video from past Folsom events.
No details yet, so follow Electroluxx on Facebook and Instagram.
Naked Social at Stopgap
Everybody’s favorite naked social is back. Naked Social is a social and play party for cis and trans men of all ages, body shapes and sizes, races, ethnicities and backgrounds, and promotes body positivity and sex positivity. Stopgap is an amazing two level fully equipped play space, near Mission St. and 9th St.
“This is strictly a nude event. Full nudity is mandatory. Underwear or any clothing is not allowed. Harness cock ring, cock cages are allowed. Shoes are required.”
Chunk at F8, with DJs TBD
Another party for the big boys! 6 DJs across 3 rooms at F8 nightclub on Folsom Street plus hot gogo bars and a tarot extravaganza.
No details yet, keep up to date on their Instagram and site.
Bark Before Dark at Oasis
Join us for the ultimate Folsom celebration at Bark Before Dark - Oasis' exclusive puppy, pet and handler happy hour!
Get ready to unleash the fun with your furry friends at this tail-wagging event! Enjoy a lively atmosphere with fellow pups, critters and handlers, in Oasis’ Champagne Room and stunning Roof Deck.
Highlights include:
Mosh space on the rooftop deck for playful pups & critters
Specialty cocktails and refreshments
Music to keep the party vibes going all evening long
Free clothes check
Full details and tickets on EventBrite.
Daddy Day Care at SF Eagle, produced by Dad San Francisco, with DJs Kelly Naughton, Mondo Nexus, Booty Juice,. and Ennui Pete
“All Daddy's must report to the dancefloor.”
Sunday, September 28th
Well, good morning, precious! How’re ya feeling? Doesn’t matter. We’re not done yet. Momma didn’t raise no quitter! A few years ago, we got home from a party around 3am and decided we’d just take a brief nap and then go to Aftershock which starts at 4am. Instead, I woke up at 8:30am next to Ron and thought, “Oh shit. Do I tell him?
So rinse off the shame or get ready to apply a whole new sheen – but if you’re gonna lie down – set the alarm!
Aftershock at City Nights, produced by Ky Martinez, with DJ Abel benefitting Folsom Street
This is the Saturday night/Sunday morning afterhours before the fair. Aftershock is before the fair. Starting on Sunday. Before the fair.
Grab a circuit queen’s phone and go to the alarms. They probably a preset for 3am. Aftershock is why.
This is the Saturday night/Sunday morning afterhours before the fair. Aftershock is before the fair. Starting on Sunday. Before the fair.
Grab a circuit queen’s phone and go to the alarms. They probably a preset for 3am. Aftershock is why.
It’s easy to say why Aftershock is one of our favorite events of the year. At over 30 years running, it’s one of the few parties left from the “crisis” days. Aftershock got that perfect dark, horny, forbidden, unforgiven ambiance. None of this happy R&B diva vocals and “Isn’t life great!” bullshit. I take my problems to the dance floor, damned for my sins, dragged to hell, and stay there (did I mention I was raised Catholic?).
And DJ Abel is the fucking king. We’ve heard him in several cities and on Atlantis cruises and whether it is prime time circuit, tea dance, or afterhours, he’s just simply a master at what he does. I know it’s stereotypical to talk about a DJ taking you on a journey but he absolutely executes that every single time. Aftershock starts promptly at 4am. Everyone is pretty much wearing just jockstraps, harnesses, and boots.
The line for Aftershock starts well before 3am, and goes down the street, into the parking lot, almost to the overpass. Hopefully you’ll find a way to pass the time. Maybe there’s a cute Argentinian guy who has already taken his pill and is standing in line high as fuck and wants to grope and kiss, calling you “guapo” and asking, “When are we getting together, papi?” as your husband watches, laughs, and shakes his head from the sidelines.
Aftershock achieves that strange surreal feeling that while you’re dancing in a crowd of hundreds of hot horny, sweaty men, you aren’t entirely sure the world outside the club exists anymore. Here’s a video from a few years ago at 7am. And a video I took a couple years ago.
City Nights is one of our favorite venues with a huge front room/lobby so if you get overheated or claustrophobic you can go chill out there, bar will be faster on that side anyway.
The main room is massive. Enter the main floor from the side, the stairs down in the back will have tons of guys strutting on it and not moving at all. The mini lounge up the staircase house-left with the couches and mirrored ceiling is going to be the VIP area this year. The line for the bar in the main hallway always gets morphed with the coat check line so it’s a big mess for the first few hours of the party.
Coat check at City Nights is always a shitshow. Like every time. Producers have tried over and over again to make it move faster to no avail. So just know that. You could dance with your backpack or whatever until the line cools down. Just don’t be surprised if you wait up to 45 minutes to get stuff checked if you get there during the rush. I know Ky and company are always trying new tactics to get things moving faster. But the venue they have some sort of mental block over there. If the bar in the hallway is open, the line for the bar will run into the line for the coat check. VIPs have separate coat check so it might just be worth it.
VIP tickets include a special first entrance VIP line, access to the VIP coatcheck, access to the VIP balcony with snacks, fruits, massage, cooling fans, facial wipes, and more.
I said we never wait in lines for things in San Francisco. Aftershock is actually worth waiting in line for.
This event will sell out.
DJ Abel on Mixcloud, SoundCloud, and Facebook. I’ve never listened to an Abel mix online that comes close to approximating how he is live and he seems to have a a specific style he reserves just for Aftershock. Here are his sets from Aftershock 2019 and 2021.
Lights and visuals by Guy Smith and Rob Montenegro.
Aftershock benefits the Folsom Street organization.
Again, Aftershock is before the fair on Sunday.
One year, we stumbled out of the club into the sunrise walked back to our place holding hands. We turned down Folsom street which had already been blocked off for the fair, and vendors and volunteers already setting up booths and stages for the street fair that would start in just a few hours. As we walked up 10th St towards our building, a guy in a jockstrap from a second-story closing his window blinds yelled, “Go to bed, queens!” So we did.
Tickets onsale including multi-event tickets on Ky’s site.
Walking home from Aftershock, sometimes with friends, sometimes with the luckiest guy in the world, sometimes just us.
The 42nd Annual Folsom Street Fair produced by Folsom Street
Ah the fair. It’s huge. You won’t realize it’s so many people until you are there. It’s crazy. Folsom Street Fair is on Folsom Street between 8th and 13th Streets from 11am to 6pm. It’s a $20 recommended donation to get in. Enter on the side streets, especially Harrison, for quicker entry and to get into the crowd faster. It’s over 400,000 people packed into 13 city blocks for 7 hours. It’s insane.
This year’s map: (on Instagram)
Detail:
Hundreds of booths of fetish and leather vendors. There are several stages with some of the city’s best DJs plus a constant cavalcade of indie music rock acts and room to rock out and dance. Other stages feature fetish demos like bondage, BDSM, and etc. Hopefully naked Twister is back, but that is a HUGE bottleneck of traffic. You’ll see just about anything there.
Food and concessions are there but are usually long lines. I’d recommend you pop on over to Azucar Lounge (9th and Folsom) just outside the fair and get tacos and eat them – great outdoor seating! – then come back into the fair. The Diana Market convenience store (9th between Folsom and Howard) also has lots of drinks and such but the line was crazy but moved fast during Dore. You can try and get drinks at Powerhouse or the other bars inside the fair but the lines will be long.
As far as philandering, no impeding traffic while you’re doing your business, and staff will discourage any public penetration. Butt-ass naked is fine. Don’t bring pets, they’ll be stressed out by all the people.
We’ve passed a local ordinance that single-serve water bottles can’t be sold or provided on public property at a permitted event. Foldable bottles are available for a dollar or reuse a juice bottle or bring your own canteen to refilll at any of the water towers throughout the fair.
Get tied to an electrical pole and get flogged, buy some leather stuff, watch BDSM demonstrations, have a chicken skewer, dance your ass off, get drunk/stoned/high/fucked/fucked up, or whatever you’ve got a whim for. One year we saw a group berating a naked man with whip marks on his back, re-enacting Cersei’s walk of shame from Game of Thrones. You will see people dressed in their favorite fetish attire whether is is leather or biker or athletic or rubber or corsets or neoprene or even Edwardian formal wear right out of A Room With a View. Some of these kinksters wait all year for events like this to strut their stuff and fly their freak flag. I love walking past a group of men pissing on another guy on the pavement and thinkign, “Aww the piss pigs are having a great time today!” If you don’t like it or roll your eyes and can’t delight in seeing perverts celebrate their perversions, don’t be a twat about it. Not every thing is for every body.
What do you actually do there? Well a couple years ago, Ron went full KimK.
There are two main strategies to enjoying the fair:
Walk the length of the main drag. Though any place there’s a demo going on the crowd is going to be dense and slow or down where the pornstars play naked Twister.
Stay in one place, and eventually everyone will pass you.
Some of our friends absolutely love the fair and stay all day and have a great time.
White people/Wypipo: APPLY/BRING SUNBLOCK. The sun is pretty much high noon and direct with little shade and most of the surrounding buildings are just one story. But there’s usually super hot sexy tattooed EMTs with sunblock at the first aid tents.
People of Color: Please continue to get super-dark and sexy. But don’t burn. And if you got more tattoos, I would not be mad. We thank you.
Mr. SF Eagle Announcement at SF Eagle
And at noon, the winner of the annual Mr. SF Eagle will be announced at noon.
Real Bad XXXVl at 1015 Folsom, produced by Grass Roots Gay Rights Foundation with DJs Brady Prince, Matt Suave, and Aleki
This is the ticket to get and you probably won’t be able to get it.
Sunday night on Folsom weekend is our favorite event of the entire year. If I could go to only one dance party a year anywhere in the world, it would be Real Bad. Like Aftershock, Real Bad is one of the few parties still going strong since the the HIV crisis and they’ve raised hundreds of thousands of dollars for their beneficiaries over the years.
Thousands of the friendliest, hottest men you’ve ever met (and some women) pack into local dance mega-temple 1015 Folsom for a night of dancing and revelry. The event is produced by local non-profit Grass Roots Gay Rights. All the money from the general admission tickets goes directly to local and national beneficiaries.
You can’t really separate the event from the venue it is in: 1015 Folsom (the address and venue name are the same). A nondescript front door gives way to a warmly lit lobby with stairs and a ramp spilling into to the main dance floor. If you haven’t seen the remodel, they took the wall between the lobby and main room out. Three-story ceilings are complemented by a wrap around balcony – all with Brazilian hardwood dance floors.
The rear balcony includes the lust-laden Red Room and then on the opposite (street-side). The upstairs lounge with seating and refreshments that comprise the VIP area for the first half of the evening (it opens up to everyone later on, so be sure to get up there, those poor couches). The first year we went to Real Bad, we spent most of our time on the ground floor and in the balcony and then we finally went downstairs to discover The Underground – the glowing low-ceilinged basement of the venue – where it’s a whole ‘nother party with a different DJ playing more downtempo steady-state house sound, much cooler down there, too.
Our friend Joey spent most of his first Real Bad in just the lobby – thinking the event was just the front lobby (I’ll have what she’s having). So be sure to explore.
The music on the main floor usually starts laidback and kinda disco-y as everyone makes their way from the fair to the venue then gradually gets a bit heavier and leans more into prime time circuit for much of the night and then a little more abstract and dreamy as the night carries on. But always a nice weight to it and density. Never “pots & pans.”
We spend most of our evening on the outer third of the crowd. Dancing in the dense crowd under the disco ball in the center of the main floor can be exhilarating or exhausting depending on how you’re feeling at the moment. Take a break in the upstairs lounge. Snuggle up with a guy in the basement. Catch a breath outside in the cordoned-off smoking. Or have a stunning tattooed Iraqi muscle stud help you unwrap a Starburst in the lobby. That’s not even a euphemism, it was a literally a Starburst.
Real Bad is also our yearly check-in with everyone and where they are in their lives. People have seen Ron and I go from two wide-eyed young bucks from Chicago to two inked pierced bearded married muscle dads (who then moved back to Chicago) and part of the usual usuals orbiting the community and it’s related events. I’ll see friends that we were very close with for a few years, had wonderful memorable times with them, and now I’m just somebody that they used to know. You’ll see now-separated couples with their new beaus. Or couples with their new thirds knowing that by next year they might be broken apart.
I can’t say enough about Real Bad. It’s a singular experience distilling everything amazing about the city of San Francisco into one event. I know that sounds trite. Every year I walk down that ramp from the lobby to the main floor and think, “Goddamn this is a whole other level of party.”
Around midnight, look for Ron and I among the platoon of men and women in aprons (which Ron designed!) and hats (and little else) barreling through the thick crowd handing out popsicles to the over-heated crowd. Sometimes it’s hard to convince a queen to eat a calorie (bruh it is day 3, hour five, have a goddamn treat). And be sure you’re in the main room for when they drop the leather flag. The whole night has several peak moments.
Real Bad tickets are a complete bitch to get. Most tickets are only available through a host system of a couple hundred hosts. Each host is given a handful of ticket codes to share with friends and their network . That approach helps preserve the vibe that nearly the entire crowd is there because of someone they know in the organization’s “Circle of Friends.” With capacity rules, there are fewer tickets than ever this year.
As the weekend approaches make sure everyone around you knows they’re looking for a Real Bad ticket. As the fair ends and everyone decides if they’re really going to go the event, tickets become available. We had one friend leave the fair, take a nap, got texts about an available ticket, and was on the dance floor in an hour.
Short documentary about Real Bad, Activism with a Beat.
Article about Real Bad in The Daily Californian.
Past Real Bad sets for your listening enjoyment:
Real Bad XXXIII’s sets from Rob Phillips and Mascfish.
Real Bad XXXII had Matt Effect opening the night with the perfect evening apertif while Paul Cowling kept steady in the Underground (3 hours of his set). The prime time slot was local favorite Russ Rich. He tore the fucking place down (part one, part two). You’ve never seen a club go off like this. Two years of a community’s expectation and excitement to celebrate. We all lost our shit. Ron’s video from the balcony. And then around 3am he snuck in Acraze’s remix of “Do It To It” – a few weeks before it hit big – and everyone was like WTF is this strutting subterreanean bass line. I over-played that song for months. More recently, I’ve been overplaying the amazing remix of Lil Nas X’s “Montero (Call Me By Your Name)” at 42 minutes in on part two).
There wasn’t a Real Bad event in 2020, but a few DJs gave us sets to hold us over: DJs Ale Maes, Jesus Pelayo, and an Underground set from Fawks.
Real Bad XXXI in 2019 with DJ Ales (early/warm-up, peak/prime time, afterhours) and Fawks (in the Underground) and video of the leather pride flag peak moment
Real Bad XXX in 2018 celebrated 30 years had two DJs on the main floor with Jesus Pelayo (peak medley, main room) and Charly (main room) and then Byron Bonsall (in the Underground) and a fantastic recap video
Real Bad XXIX in 2017 with Juan Escadero (main room) and video of peak moment with the leather flag, popsicle deployment, confetti drop, and recap/relive video
Real Bad XXVIII in 2016 with Xavier Alvarado (preview set, main room) and and videos of peak moments one, two, and three
Real Bad XXVII in 2015 with Brian Maier (in the Underground)
Real Bad XXVI in 2014 with Fabio Campos (main room) and Corey Craig (in the Underground)
Real Bad XXV in 2013 with Luiggi (main room) and Craig Gaibler (in the Underground)
Real Bad XXIV in 2012 wtih Kam Shafaati (in the Underground)
Real Bad XXIII in 2011 with Brian Reyes (early/primetime, late) and Steve Sherwood (in the Underground)
Real Bad XXII in 2010 with Sean Mac (early/primetime, late) and Peter Canellis (in the Underground)
Full details on Real Bad on Facebook and get a lot more info on their website RealBad.org.
If you can’t get into Real Bad, don’t fret. As it’s become harder to get tickets to Real Bad, other producers are stepping up to offer alternate parties in the Sunday prime time time slot. This year there is a complete set of amazing events:
Sanctum at City Nights, produced by Ky Martinez with DJs Micky Friedman and Moussa
And a few blocks down from Real Bad, Ky Martinez and fam are doing something unholy with the debut of their Sanctum event at City Nights (you were literally just there this morning for Aftershock).
Berlin’s Micky Friedmann blends a background in classical music and ballet giving his music a firm grounding in what makes a body move. Micky is resident with Masterbeat USA, Matinee Circuit Barcelona, Sexy Köln, Angels Zürich & was the first official International resident DJ of Forever Tel- Aviv.
DJ Moussa is a Barcelona-based circuit and techno DJ celebrated for his powerful, uplifting sets that blend driving beats with melodic energy. A longtime resident for Circuit Festival and Matinée Group, he has performed in more than 20 countries, earning a global following in the LGBTQ+ club and festival scene. Moussa’s recent releases, including Piece Of My Heart and his Sexy Party Cologne live set, highlight his dynamic style and ability to command the dance floor.
Mickey Friedman on Instagram, Facebook, and SoundCloud.
Moussa on Instagram, SoundCloud, and Mixcloud.
Full details and get tickets at kymartinezevents.com.
Airtight at The Stud
You know the deal: daytime cruising and bruising. D*ke centered, everyone welcome. Rave cave, demo scenes, plartces to cruise and play!
Le Femme: Noir at The Stud, with DJs Chelsea Starr, Sammy, Ka’lonji Moschino, with Bettyie Jayne and Angel Food Cakes
And right after Airtight, Dolls, Twinks, and Bimbos Unite!
Party on the Patio at Eagle
Join everybody at the Eagle during and after the fair where the party goes all day and deep into the night. Thousands of hot, sweaty, half naked bodies pack the place throughout the day and night where things get going that have made this party world (in)famous!!
No Facebok page yet for the event you can follow their Facebook page or their Facebook group.
Disco Daddy at Eagle with DJ Bus Station John, hosted by Marc Sanchez, with Miss Olivia & Miguelito
Then later at the Eagle, Disco Daddy with deep cuts and rare tracks (“no YMCA, no Madonna remixes”) with DJ Bus Station John, SF’s pioneer disco revivalist, spinning since the late 90s. Known for resurrecting the bathhouse-era soundtrack and creating cell-phone-free/no-cameras, sweaty, communal dance parties.
Also one of the most affordable events of the weekend.
Full details on the Facebook page for the event.
Hard Reset at QBar, with DJs Jesus Montanez, Jim Hopkins and Giovanni Sainz
The Hard Reset team is back with a Folsom edition of their event celebrating the fusion of house, techno, and indie dance music that breaks free from the boundaries of genres and take us on an unforgettable journey.
Follow on Instagram for the latest details.
Hot Tea at Audio, produced by Cecil Russel and Evan J Sun, with DJs Jeremy Dava and Andres Montero
Cecil Russell, in association with Evan J-Sun, are once again bringing you their piping Hot Tea event at Audio nightclub. They’re also taking over the first floor of the adjacent Bergerac club so you’ll have two floors and four DJs of music to choose from. Leather-clad gogo gods and goddesses will undulate and provide entertainment all night.
Audio nightclub is in the heart of SOMA, right across from DNA Lounge where the Big Muscle party was and a few doors down from Halcyon where Nocturnal will be in just a few hours. The events starts as the fair ends so it’s a quick stumble to get there. Limited VIP tickets include VIP lounge area near the DJ booth, bottled water, and snacks.
Jeremy Dava is known for his high-energy tribal house sets and vibrant stage presence. Born in Los Angeles and raised in Mexico, he’s performed across the U.S., Mexico, and Colombia, captivating audiences with his infectious beats. A resident DJ with Reload Entertainment, Jeremy has played major festivals and club nights showcasing his signature sound.
DJ Andrew Montero is a Colombian-born, L.A.-based circuit and tribal house DJ known for his infectious rhythms and deep, percussive grooves. With an international performance history that spans high-profile events and club nights across the Americas, Andrew has built a loyal following for his high-energy sets that showcase his knack for blending Latin influences with peak-hour circuit sounds.
Jeremy Dava on Instagram and SoundCloud.
Andrew Montero on Instagram, Facebook, and SoundCloud.
Full details on the Facebook page for the event and tickets at Gloss Presents site.
Deviants at SVN, produced by Folsom Street, Hard French, and QT Cruising, benefitting Folsom Street organization
The official post-fair party of the weekend.
“Backrooms. Bass. Bad decisions.
New venue. Bigger playground.
Two floors. One filthy night.”
Almost a slutty haiku.
Full details on Instagram.
Folsom Sunday at Oasis
Steps from the fair. And this venue is closing soon. Details will be on the their site.
Imperial Leather Contest at The Stud
The Imperial Leather titles are more than crowns and sashes—they are commitments to service, community building, and preserving San Francisco’s rich legacy of leather and queer culture. Titleholders stand at the intersection of heritage, activism, and celebration, carrying forward the traditions of the Imperial Court while championing diversity and charity in the Bay Area.
Learn more with the short documentary, 50 Years of Fabulous recounts the rich history of the Imperial Council, the oldest LGBT charity organization in the world. Founded in San Francisco by renowned activist, drag queen and performer Jose Sarria (the first openly gay man to run for political office), the Council has helped shape LGBT life and social history in San Francisco and beyond throughout the last five decades.
Monday, September 29th
Nocturnal at Halcyon, produced by Ky Martinez with DJ Paulo
This is the Sunday night/Monday morning afterhours, after the closing parties. Monday morning.
I can’t think of a better way to close out the night, the morning, and the weekend, than with Ky Martinez’s Nocturnal party under the direction of the original “tribal bitch” DJ Paulo for the entire morning. And at this time of the morning you need a good hard pounding like only Paulo can deliver.
We usually come home from Real Bad, rinse off, re-gear, and walk over to Halcyon nightclub. You think well shit it’s early and it’s day four so this’ll be cute, I guess. You walk in and it’s like the weekend never even happened. Guys streaming in from all the other events all morning. DJ Paulo at his cauldron, playing this type of groove that makes you want to move (his set from IML Furball was fantastic). Again, we kinda like an afterhours because the guys that are there are there to dance.
VIP tickets are worth it for Halcyon because there’s a nice lounge that sits behind the DJ and on the sides of the club opposite the bar so you’ll be able to escape the crowd but still enjoy the music. Video from the VIP lounge.
Halcyon (formerly the old Beatbox space) is one of only three clubs in the world to feature the Dolby Atmos immersive sound system. Halcyon regularly ranks among the top clubs in the country and is noted for its all-women management and being a welcome home for LGBT events and producers. The exposed brick and steel keeps the warehouse vibe alive and with one of the city’s few 24-hour liquor licenses, DJs have been known to spin from dusk to dawn and into the afternoon.
DJ Paulo on Mixcloud, SoundCloud, Twitter, and Facebook and listen to past mixes from Nocturnal including his 2017 preview, live set from 2017, and live set from 2019.
Full details will appear on their Facebook page and you can buy tickets and get info from their site.
And then on Monday afternoon everybody hits the bars and switches to alcohol and calls it “recovery.”
Folsom Recovery at Lookout
No one wants to admit a good thing has to end, so a couple of the bars will be packed on Monday. Lookout and Eagle seem like the most popular ones. Lookout especially. One of our top local DJs will be on hand at Lookout to keep the party going as you stave off thinking about your terrible life choices this weekend.
Most of the producers and DJs of the weekend will be there.
No official event page yet but usually the Recovery events start at 1pm and go until 9pm.
So if you’re still in town, slather on the eye cream, and head over to Lookout. Their kitchen can be slow, but their snacks and food are good.
More details will be on their Facebook page.
You look amazing. Get photos.
You probably look foyne as fuck this weekend. You should preserve the moment. Our friend, photographer Trevor Ott will be again doing his impromptu photo shoots with the street fair as the backdrop. We did a shoot with him at Dore a few years ago (above) and had a great time. Contact him on Facebook if you’re interested and peruse his work on Instagram. One day you will look at those photos and say, “Dear God, I was a beautiful thing!”
Stay in the know: Also wanted to point folks to The Gay Rave And Circuit Almanac group on Facebook for a broader set of events across the country and around the world, throughout the year.
Okay let’s do a run down of other important stuff:
More questions you may have and stuff you should know:
“Do people really wear just jockstraps at these parties? I don’t want to be the only one dressed like a whore.”
Yes. Even at SF parties outside the high holy days, there’s always a big leather and bear presence at every party so you’ll always see harnesses and guys stripped down to a jockstrap. Some guys will be in the classic full leather uniform out at the bars but that’s way too much clothing for a steamy dance floor. Most guys will come into the club with a a shirt and shorts over their jock and harness. You’ll want to have pockets to keep your ID, ATM card, phone, cash, mints/gum, and such handy. Or if you have no pockets, wear long athletic/slut socks and stuff them in there. Some guys wear fanny packs (that’s “bum bags” for you Brits). Our European friends are surprised to see that even guys who are tops wear jockstraps in the US. Yep. You wanna make sure they can move those hips!
Peruse the photo galleries of the events for a sampling of the various options available. We’ve done kyoot couples’ matchy-matchy outfits before and planned things for the entire weekend in the past. Anymore, I’d rather wear something comfortable I can move in. Or just keep your shorts on and knot your shirt in your belt loop. Otherwise you’ll lose your shirt on the floor and have to walk back to the hotel like a hooker.
Oh and trim your nails. You just never know your fingers might end up. And maybe a pedicure in case you meet a guy into feet?
“Are all these events just a bunch of hairy white guys looking for other hairy white guys?”
These events can have a tendency to be a bunch of big hairy white guys only interested in hanging out with other big hairy white guys. Honestly, unless they have field markings (tattoos) I can’t tell all us white motherfuckers apart. When we all had masks on in SF, I had no idea who anyone was for two years.
The race politics of the gay dance floor can be pretty shitty. Plus the body fascism. And that sucks for our brown, black, and/or smooth, skinny, and/or non-huge/short brethren. The weekend’s events will have a pretty broad range in body type and ethnic/race mix. Chances are you’re “totally my type” for someone in the crowd.
One shortcut is to find the mixed couples (easier to pre-qualify). That’s also in case there’s an emergency, we have to shepherd all the men of color out of the club quickly. Inked brown and black muscle is our nation’s most precious natural resource.
No hovering: We’re implementing a No Hovering Rule. If someone or a group hovers or orbits near you more than three times and you think they’re attractive, you have to say hello (assuming they aren’t being creepy).
Stop being a racist piece of shit.
Take all that race preference shit off your profile (no, it’s not just a preference). It’s disgusting and shit manners. Our gay black and brown brothers move in a world that reminds them every day that they are “other.” They don’t need that when they are in a gay space. And if you are “into” a certain race, ethnicity, complexion, or color of guys, don’t say it out loud, just go talk to the guy.
Don’t be a Terrible White Gay™! Decolonize the dance floor!
And for fuck’s sake don’t ask a guy, “What are you?” or “Where are you from? No where are you from-from?” or “You’re really sexy for a [ethnicity].” You don’t need to know. It doesn’t matter if you did. Maybe you don’t get to know everything. Maybe they don’t think it is the most interesting thing about them. They’ll tell you if they want you to know.
Consequently, the music you are dancing to all weekend is black music. House music is black music. Disco is black music. Techno is black music. Circuit music wouldn’t even exist without the black and queer DJs, producuers, musicians, and singers that created the very bass line you’re moving your scrawny ass to.
Another shortcut is:
Always party with the bears and the Brazilians
Numerous studies in the field and around the world have confirmed that the bears and Brazilians are usually having the most fun at any dance party. And if you find Brazilian bears, it’s going to be an amazing night.
Pro-tip: If you are looking for the bears at any club, find the big industrial fans. The big boys overheat easily so they’re usually near the fans, or they have actual fans, or are near the A/C vents.
And I dunno maybe talk to guys that aren’t your type. Think of your total type in your head and go talk to guys that are the exact opposite. It’s okay to talk to guys you’re not going to fuck. We call that being friendly.
If everyone around you looks just like you, you’re doing it wrong.
Worst Folsom pickup line ever remains: “Hey, you’ve got bitch tits, too.” Let’s have some manners, gents.
And when talking to couples, maybe talk to both of them.
Trans men are men. Trans women are women.
Fuck all the way off with the “LGB but not the T” horseshit. The right-wing crazies are running the same playbook they did with the gays. Cis gay men need to realize that after trans people, we’re next on the truck.
Don’t mix G and alcohol, you stupid fuck
Oxygen, drips, and stretchers are not rave accessories. Don’t mix depressants and definitely never mix alcohol with GHB or it’s pre-cursors GBL and 1,4-Butanediol (“BDO”). If you mix alcohol and G, you’re basically telling your friends you’re a selfish piece of shit and you think it’s cute that others have to take care of you. We once saw a guy ‘falling out’ (the more glam way to say overdosing) in a play room being attended to by EMTs. Nothing kills the vibe like a guy who’s stopped breathing.
Just one milliliter too much – 1/5 of teaspoon! – can be the difference between being a good-time gal versus your knees buckling and your friends pissed they have to take you home (or so pissed you keep doing this to them that they hand your ass off to the EMT). Know your mLs and timing. It’s why Tim Cook invented Apple Watch.
Use a bumper for powders so it’s more measured. Label your powders. Or sent them. One friend would scent theirs with maple syrup so it’s 4am at the club and it smells like Waffle House.
Poppers and Viagra are both vasodialators and together can cause blood pressure to drop dangerously low. Go slow. Also coke can kill your E high, and your dick, and make your bowels move.
I won’t even talk about crystal meth. It isn’t manageable. Stop lying to yourself. Tina is insidiously efficient at destroying lives. It has been tearing down the LGBT community and many small towns like the one I grew up in and we’ve seen friends destroy their lives, marriages, and friendships to sustain their addiction. Handle your shit, ladies (and ask for and get help). If you see tina at the private party or the trick’s hotel room, walk out the door.
So definitely:
Always thank the EMTs when you see them
I usually say, “Thanks for working tonight!”
They are there to make sure everyone has a safe, memorable time and stays in the guard rails. If you see someone getting stumbly, ask if they’re okay. If you hug someone and they seem cold or have stopped sweating, ask if they need some water or sugary soda. If you know any of the producers of these parties you know that the (mostly straight) venue owners are very harsh when The Gays are a hot mess (though we never have fistfights, just ambulance calls). We risk losing access to these spaces for gay events.
If you are sober and out at these events, be sure you know local AA/etc. meetings so if you need support to stay on track, you’ve got it. If you’re unsure, don’t go.
Be generous. Have a great time. Take care of yourself. Take care of others.
And thank security
There’s a whole phalanx of security guards working at all the clubs all weekend and many of them are queer people that specifically want to work the events of Folsom weekend.
These men and women have an incredible sense of ownership and protection of us as we head out for the evening. One memorable moment of Dore was a lesbian security guard outside the club (not Donna above) who was inspecting bags and doing pat-downs, saying to the guy in front of me and to all of us, “Okay now you guys might have some paraphernalia. I don’t want to see it. Management doesn’t want to see it. If you’re doing stuff just don’t do it on the dance floor. Ok?” And then as she patted me down, “Gotta take care of my community. I love my girls – and my boys. Have a good night!”
It’s easy to take for granted all the people putting aside their own chance at a fun weekend so they can take care of their people.
Most venues have security that will frisk people on the way in. Don’t be an idiot and you’ll get through with your accoutrements. That’s why God invented the taint.
Get off your goddamn phone
A friend at Dore a few years ago spent half the night at one club checking his phone for updates from this guy he wanted to hookup with. He had a street address, but no apartment number. We said there’s no fucking way you’re leaving the club to go stand on the street at this time of night for some trick whose probably already asleep. He’s literally surrounded by hundreds of beautiful horny down-to-fuck men and he’s staring at his fucking phone. It turned out okay: He fucked a guy in a bathroom stall. And they say romance is dead.
If you’re doing extended texting, step to the side of the dance floor and continue. And turn your screen brightness down. It’s obnoxious.
No really, get off your fucking phone
Just wanted to say it a second time.
Faster flirting with keyboard macros
But if you’re on your phone and tired of guys a
Asking what your are into or what parties you are going to and typing it over and over again. Setup a macro!
iPhone: Settings > General > Keyboard > Text Replacement. Tap + type the phrase you want to add then enter the macro. Like whenever you type /folsom, the phone will pop in your full agenda.
Android: Anybody know if this is standard? Lemme know.
Get a couple portable USB chargers to have fully charged up in your European Carryall or backpack or purse.
Be where you are
People talk about wanting to go back to the happy days. We can’t go back. We can stand still or go forward.
I’m prone to getting annoyed if the music isn’t perfect or people are bumping into me and just burning the entire evening down and going home and Xanax-ing myself to sleep. Ron’ll adominsh me, “Stop obsessing! Deal with it!” If you and your partner bicker or have an argument, stop. Talk about it next week.
If they’re down and foul and sour do not give in. Do not match their energy. Stay buoyant and patient. Hopefully they snap out of it.
Stop waiting for that guy that said he’d be at the place at that time that wanted to meet up or breed you or get your load or get a selfie. Stop chasing that porn star (he’s probably booked all weekend making videos for his OnlyFans page and wants you to “collab” for free).
I always say I hope for a good time with good music and good friends and my amazing husband in my arms (or in someone else’s nearby) and everything else is a bonus.
Remember Daddy Aaron’s only Folsom rule: If you’re local, don’t make this the weekend you make it happen with that local guy you’ve been over-staring at the gym. Focus on the fresh, transient meat.
“I looked for you all night!” NO. Stop. Be where you are. Here and now. Don’t make this a make or break weekend for anything or anyone. It is what it is. Enjoy it.
And maybe don’t fuck your boyfriend blocking the bathroom entrance. K-thnx.
We don’t really wear cologne in San Francisco
When we were in Madrid it was kinda nice that everyone smelled so good and some guys put on a little cologne before going to club. Less so when a few of them smoke cigarettes in the club. In Saugatuck everyone was getting sweat but no one was getting odoriferous.
But in SF we’re a little more… earthy. This is the town that birthed Manson, Jonestown, and the hippies.
Some guys have a nice fresh sweat on clean skin aroma. Others seriously need to rinse off their taints. I usually put some beard balm on for the night as an extra bonus to whomever gets up in my business. If you like a good man musk you’re in for a treat in this town. Check out the Stank party above.
But do whatever you want. If your cologne is too strong someone will probably tell you.
“What’s with the colors and armbands?”
When hooking was more difficult and dangerous and could get you killed, gay men developed the ‘hanky code’ where you’d wear a specific color of handkerchief to signal what you were into and what you were looking for. Left back pocket meant, top. Right side, bottom. Both sides, vers. This has been carried forth in the colors of harnesses and armbands you see out and about. But sometimes yellow is a signal and other times you just want to wear yellow. It’s a fun retro part of the culture we’ve carried through to today. Here’s a full rundown of the hanky code colors in probably one of the oldest web pages you’ll ever read these days. Also:
Getting “mistaken” for a bottom isn’t an insult
And if you think it is, you’re probably also a misogynist piece of shit. Jokes about, “Omg bottoms are needy and petty just like women, isn’t that hilarious?” are tired as fuck. Let’s dispense with the 1950s gender roles.
Everyone secretly hates your fan clacking
In moderation and on the beat, clacking fans can be positively electrifying. But every goddamn song? Don’t clack them all night with that sharp sound that feels like an icepick behind your right eye.
And let’s not with the fucking parasols
Stop bringing parasols to parties. You are not the star of this wedding. It fucks up the event photos with your big goddamn umbrella in the way, blocks the view of people around you, and it’s not that fucking clever. Glare at anyone who brings one and say, “You should really check that.” Or break it over your knee and throw it away.
Buy multiple drinks at a time (and tip)
Bars will be busy and/or under-staffed for the throngs. If you are buying Gatorade for three friends, grab six. If you are buying cocktails, buy double, chug one and then sip the other. Hell, grab 8 Gatorades and hand a couple to guys you don’t know as you make your way back to your friends. Most venues take credit cards but cash might be faster. Most venues have an ATM/teller but go into the venue with cash. We usually try to have $100 on us for the night. Break your twenties so you can tip (tip the gogo dancers, too!). Non-Americans, the usual tip for a bartender is $1-2 per drink served.
Many of these events have patrons that turn to non-alcohol sources for their enhancements. It’s lost revenue and a problem every producer will mention. So buy soda, Red Bull, Gatorades, and waters!
Don’t grab someone’s piercings without asking
You don’t know how they like them handled – if at all. And if they’re new, it’ll hurt. For pierced folks, watch out for mesh and fishnet or harnesses and hardware that might hook ’em as you make your way through the crowd!
Schedule your haircut and beard trim now.
If you’re in a gay metro area, you know there’ll be a rush to get your hurr did. Schedule those appointments now!
Assume clothes check will be a disaster everywhere
Coat/clothes check will probably move at a glacial pace. We usually bring one of our gym bags and put everything in there (and put keys, phones, and wallets in obvious pockets so we can find them quickly for the keys-phone-wallet-ready?! check as we leave the club). That way if our stuff gets misplaced or mis-tagged we can say, “Look for the bright red Timbuktu backpack. I can see it right there!”
Another option is to dress to enjoy the first part of the party and then once the coat check line dies down, go check your shorts and shirt so you can really get down. But if you’re desperate to get to your skivvies you can dance and flirt in the line. One friend wears a backpack the first half of the night and checks that once the lines clear. Another wears super lightweight shorts and a tank top and ties them around his ankle for the night. That’s a solution.
Take a photo of your coat check tag so you have it on your phone, and text it to a friend just in case.
And coat check usually is cash only.
Get tested the week after (and two weeks before)
A circuit party is a Petri dish with a bass line. A lot of people have a lot of sex with a lot of people during Folsom weekend. There’s a possibility you might get a bug – even if you’re the most careful condom user ever-ever.
Go to your primary care physician or local clinic to get tested for the full palette of STIs. Keep in mind you can have gonorrhea, syphillis, or chlamydia and not show any obvious symptoms for a while. And even if you’re a “total top” that doesn’t really mean anything since infections can spread between oral, anal, and genital regions regardless of who is fucking who. Notify the other people you had sex with if you have their contact info. It’s common courtesy and comes with the territory in this high-volume-hookup sex-as-a-hobby culture.
If you’re really an ethical slut, get tested two weeks before the weekend just in case you’ve got some critters. That way if you end up having something, you’ve had enough time to complete a full course of antibiotics (usually 7-10 days). Nobody wants to spend Folsom in sex jail (sex jail sounds super hot, but no, it is not). And of course, get tested for HIV. And if you test positive for HIV, go into treatment immediately. It is much easier these days to get down to undetectable levels and manage your health properly.
Undetectable = Untransmittable
You should already know that undetectable is untransmittable, This means that an HIV+ person on meds whose viral load is undetectable carries virtually zero risk of transmission through sex.
Get vaccinated
Keep up with your COVID boosters.
Get a meningitis vaccine while you’re at it.
Get the HPV vaccine too if you’re the right age (it’s expanded) and have coverage. HPV can lead to forms of anal cancer.
Get the smallpox or monkeypox vaccine.
Getting “ready”
A lot of guys will also be “cleaning out” for the weekend in the event that they bottom. Hell, lots of tops clean out just in case they meet a guy who’s sponge-worthy. Here’s a guide (not keen on the stomping). Pack the shower shot or buy one at one of the sex stores. We all know the bulb sucks. Don’t forget the wrench (which TSA may take if it is in your carry on, I think you can get a plastic wrench that won’t show up as much in x-rays). Some guys even forego eating real food and use Imodium to halt everything for the day or weekend. I’m not saying any of this is healthy.
Video: Jonathan Van Ness explaining this to Tiffany Haddish is comedy gold.
And thus it was written:
“Blessed are the bottoms, may their waters always run clear.” (Matthew 6:9)
If you are HIV-, get on PrEP
If you are HIV-, get on PrEP. It doesn’t protect against other STIs but the risk of HIV transmission is statistically that of condoms. We have the technology to stop HIV in its tracks in this generation and we’re stupid if we don’t take advantage of it. (And it looks like the Worst Kennedy is gonna fuck all that up as well) If you are not on PrEP and have unprotected sex and think you might be at risk for HIV, know about the PeP protocol which is for after a possible exposure.
If you don’t want to take PrEP all the time, there’s also the new PrEP 2-1-1 protocol for the occasional whore-off. You take two Truvada 2-24 hours before sex, one pill 24 hours after the initial dose, and one final pill 24 hours later. Full details.
When agreeing to meet or hookup, be clear about condom use (or not) so no one feels pressured to make choices not aligned with their values. I’ll be honest though, San Francisco is a dick-out, bareback, raw loads kind of town.
And if you take Metamucil or Pure or other fiber supplements to be bottom-ready, do not take them at the same time as your PrEP or other meds. Fiber supplements might soak up the meds in your digestive system and prevent them from working.
“I’m too fat, too thin, too short, too tall, too young, too old to go…”
Now that I’m 50. The only difference these days is we take ibuprofen before we head out for the night. You’re never too old.
Both straight mainstream culture and the queer/gay minority sub-culture is co-opted by marketers to tell us we never have enough, do enough, or are enough, so not hating the way you look all the time is kind of a triumph. Fuck the male gaze (that we literally created ourselves). There aren’t “leagues.” No guy is too hot to go up and talk to. And if he thinks he is, he’s probably a terrible fuck. Or a bad kisser. And a hot guy who can’t kiss is a crime against God. You’ve got this beautiful man in your arms and you kiss and then you’re like, “Ummmm… yeah I’m gonna go walk around.”
You will see all types all weekend. You will see guys who are so roided up they are practically parodies of masculinity (and probably have a dialysis machine hidden in their jock). Other guys have their ass sticking out so far, you’d think you’re at a pelvic tilt convention. You’ll see beanpole guys who are skin and bones and guys going nuts over them, too. All shapes, all sizes, and ages ready to have a great time.
Don’t tell tall guys they’re tall or tell short guys they’re short. They know. Find something else to compliment them on.
Introverts, here’s a Facebook thread I started about meeting guys on the dance floor. (My solution has always been: Marry an extrovert. Or try the bend and snap.)
Additional advice to a guy that had a bad time at Dore this year (and dozens of leathermen friends chime in). And also my husband’s advice to him.
You have the right to have a fucking great time no matter how you look or how you feel about how you look.
Don’t wait until you “lose the weight” or “do a cycle” or whatever other barrier to entry you’re setting for yourself.
“Can I go to these events if I’m a straight man or a woman?”
Yes, you can. Keep in mind though: Most of the events I’ve detailed in this guide are intended for and produced primarily by gay men seeking to meet and dance and do whatever with other gay men (a few are broader but it’s kinda the cohort I know best).
Producers of woman-centeredand straight-er events: Please send me your details!
You might not be the target audience for many of these parties. It’s our space – it’s great you feel safe here, too – but we kinda built this. There are several lesbian and straight women who are a big part of the SF community out here and join us for many of the parties as patrons and producers and talent. And they know the events that are more play-oriented aren’t really for them and sure they could go into a back room and look around, but turning someone’s sexuality into a tourist attraction is tacky and gross. You will probably see public sex between people at the fair or on the dance floor or in a bathroom or in a lounge or in an alley way. Enjoy watching or just turn 180 degrees and voila! it doesn’t even exist anymore.
And put your hair up. Nobody wants your long hair sticking to their sweaty chest or back. And check your purse.
“All these goddamn events are sold out!”
You waited too long. In this town, they buy our tickets early (and much cheaper first-tier pricing).
If you are looking for tickets for a particular event, post as such on the Facebook page for the event. Mark yourself as Going for the event so you’ll get alerts if someone posts that they have a ticket available. As the weekend develop, people decide which parties they are or aren’t going to and will unload their tickets.
Also try The Gay Almanac Marketplace & Ticket Exchange group on Facebook.
“What if I have tickets I don’t need?”
The opposite of the above, post on the event page to see if others are interested in buying your tickets.
Be wary of third-party ticket sales from questionable sources
Scammers that will post on the event pages that they have last minute tickets and then take your money and tell you to walk with Christ. Look for friends you have in common and vet sources if you need to.
“OMG, Folsom is not just about the parties!”
You’re right. There’s an entire leather community anchoring this whole thing. But this is a party guide.
Always do a ticket inventory the week before
The week beforehand, make sure you havwe all your tickets. If they are in your email, use the pin/star feature to make sure they bubble up to the top or take screencaps of all your QR codes. Nothing like the, “Oh my god I bought tickets for the Folsom Brut but not the Dore Brut, Ron’s going to kill me…” panic attack. Some of these parties and producers do events for both weekends with the same names, don’t get them mixed up!
UPDATE: OMG I did again. We are in line for Big Muscle at Dore weekend last year and they can find that I bought two tickets for the Folsom party but can only find one ticket for the Dore one. I made a mistake. Again. Ron was silent as we moved into the line to buy a ticket. Luckily they had tickets available and it moved fast. Would have been a quiet walk home.
No life decisions the week after a party
Until there is at least a glimmer of hope in those dead cow eyes, don’t get together or break up or get married or close things or open things or move out or move in or quit a job or start a job. I’m usually a desiccated husk until at least Thursday night after a weekend rage. On Tuesday, it’s “That wasn’t so bad. I feel fine.” Around Wednesday, it’s “Ugh nightmares last night. We really have to stop doing this.” Thursday is, “What am I doing with my life? Am I a good husband? Am I a terrible son?” Then Friday is, “I feel great when’s the next one?!” After one year’s revels, my CEO alerted staff the following week announcing, “Don’t ask Andy anything. He hasn’t slept for five days.”
I’m sure I’ve forgotten some events, let me know
No slight to producers or DJs if I’ve missed one (and I didn’t even do shoutouts to all the talented lighting, sound, video, laser, and environment designers and special performers). Message me via Instagram or Facebook Messenger.
Where should I visit in San Francisco?
We lived in San Francisco for 13 years and here’s our recommended points of interest and touristy activities if you’re here for several days:
Former federal prison Alcatraz Island has a haunting audio tour.
Muir Woods is a forest of giant redwood trees (think ewoks/Endor).
The best photos of the bridge are Golden Gate View Point, plus nearby abandoned gunnery stations from WWII.
The California Academy of Sciences has huge aquaria and a four-story tropical rainforest installation and a planetarium where she kept talking about “Sharon” and I realized oh she means Pluto’s moon Charon and I couldn’t stop giggling. Classic Sharon! The Conservatory of Flowers just across the way is also worth a trip.
Fisherman’s Wharf is trashy and you didn’t come all this way to eat Ruby Tuesdays. It does have the only In-N-Out in town, though I’d tell you to go to local favorite Super Duper Burger (see below). The Krispy Kreme there has closed.
There’s wine country – Napa and Sonoma. We find the whole wine thing boring. But go for it if you’re nuts for wine.
Dolores Park – the “fruit shelf” – you’ve seen in movies and TV with the great view of the city.
Where are all the taxis?
Like most other big cities. Uber and Lyft have destroyed municipal taxi systems and thousands of jobs. You’ll probably use apps for getting to and fro.
You can also use the Wayze driverless cars. It’s an amazing technological achievement.
Where to eat while you’re in town
We’re both from the Midwest so we’re not really foodies, we just like to eat. Our go-to restaurants:
Skip the Whataburger vs In-n-Out debate and go to Super Duper Burger. They’re our usual post-party lunch of burger, fries, and milkshake. Several locations in the city.
Taco Boys next to the Castro Super Duper is our usual taco place. During Covid that was our date night. We’d walk from our place on 10th Street to this place (and barely see anybody) and sit outside having tacos.
Fable serves modern American cuisine with a huge back patio. Reservations through OpenTable.
Catch is great for brunch or dinner with a front patio with lighting that takes strangely high-quality selfies. Reservations through OpenTable.
The Cove diner across from Castro Theatre has been a Castro institution for over 40 years.
Mona Lisa in Little Italy/North Beach has great Italian food and homemade pasta.
You probably have some for-real foodie friends in San Francisco if you’re really looking for a high-quality fine-dining type thing. Ask them for their recommendations (they’ll probably roll their eyes at mine).
And don’t forget the full raft of delivery restaurants on Grubhub and other apps in case you need a cube of cheese. Our usuallly places are iThai, Tara Indian Cuisine, Bamboo (Chinese), and Tanglad (Vietnamese run by Filipinos, with a location in Castro).
Leather queen hack: As you are on your way to the your hotel after you arrive, put in an Instacart order so you have snacks and drinks and Gatorades and etc. delivered to you soon after you check-in to your hotel room.
And if you need poppers and lube, there’s several sex stores and smoke shops in the Castro (including Mr. S mentinoed above). We usually go to Koheba Gifts on Market (might not be gay-owned, but Yemeni immigrants, I think). Get tacos next door while you’re over there. There’s also stores like Does Your Mother Know and Rock Hard.
Finally: Fucking dance
Much has been lost. Again. Did the whole covid thing… did all that happen? The entire civilization literally lost several years of our lives. Feels like it still weighs on us. We grieve for the life we’ll never have again and nobody talks about it.
All we have is right now.
For now we get to dance. Have a beautiful man in our arms. Feel his beard against yours. Feel the bass rattling your ribcage.
Hold your friends close. Hold them tight and dance. Love unabashedly.
We lost two friends in one week three years ago in August. Everything can change in the blink of an eye.
I try to remind myself it hasn’t been that long ago that police would invade gay bars to stop men from simply dancing together. And we just might be going back to that.
It is easy to take the level of relative safety we enjoy now for granted. And many queer groups in many countries and cities are still not completely safe. Hell, is anybody completely safe?
Violence is up against our trans brothers and sisters as white supremacy’s death rattle echoes across the election cycles. Be very clear as soon as they erase them, all the other letters in the alphabet our next. You better fucking vote.
And you better not vote for a Republican. They literally hate you. Call yourself conservative I suppose. “Gay Republican” usually means you want to suck dick and smoke weed but still want to be a little racism-y. Just promise me that when they back up the truck: You’re getting on first.
Dance for yourself. Dance for your friends. Dance for your community. Dance for those never got to have the man or woman of their dreams in their arms. Dance for those that are no longer with us. Dance for those that are still here. Dance for Pulse in Orlando, for the UpStairs Lounge in New Orleans, and for all the rest who died or were hurt while simply trying to have a fun night out.
Dance for the closeted queer kids stuck in backwards boondock burgs or dangerous families trying to just hold on until they can get out (please just hold on). Dance for those that live in countries (or the counties here) where they would kill us for simply holding hands.
Dance for the queens, the queers, the faggots, the fairies, the leathermen, the bulldykes, and all the other outlaws who said no seriously fuck this shit and fuck you and risked their lives and their careers and their families and put it all on the line. You have the luxury of living right here, right now, because so many people fought for it.
Don’t ever forget that.
See you on the dance floor, gentlemen
…and ladies, and everyone else in between. It’s incredibly rewarding to have guys from all over the world come up and say hi and say that they read my guide or shared it with friends. So, if you see us on the dance floor, say hello (reference photo above).
That photo is from Chicago Pride 2022 after we moved. When we first met 22 years ago we marveled at the hot muscle dads we’d see out at pride that looked amazing and happy. This year we realized: We’re those muscle daddies now.
Look for the complementary Polynesian sleeve tattoos on the sexy pierced Filipino muscle daddy with the radiant smile dancing with abandon and probably waving (but never clacking) a majestic fan (my husband Ron) and the semi-serious/RBF’d inked pierced bearded white muscle daddy wolf trying to keep up with him (me).
Buy Us a Gatorade!
And for years everyone has always said I should take donations or accept advertising or find some way to “monetize” my guides. So while getting gay men to read 23k words is its own reward, if you wanted to chip in $5 and buy us a Gatorade as a thank you, that would be amazing: (PayPal, Venmo, etc.)
Thanks for reading – please share!
Andy (with editing/etc. from Ron)
p.s. You can follow my writing on Facebook and enjoy cat photos, (kitty passed - 24 years!), thirst pics, Ron’s Stepford streak, aggressive shirtlessness, and fear of aging on my Instagram (andymaticgram), but actually Ron posts better photos on his Instagram (ronamatic) and his account for his pandemic macaron obsession (macarons_by_ron). Or read about that time I turned 40 (I still owe you the turning 50 essay) or when we got married. or on the Daddy Issues podcast talking about roids and racism, gay Trump supporters, and being pretty vs smart.